More Than Just a Number?

Holy Hannah. I have had a revelation in the last two days.

 

I am not ALONE.

 

Huh. Who'd a thought?

 

I started following this blog KTJ Weighing In, and just yesterday she started her own facebook group page. So of course I had to join, right? Who isn't curious to see who else is out there? Well, I was very excited to learn that there are several other young women out there that are JUST like me. Like, scary amounts of similarities. Made my heart happy. ;)

 

One of the things that I really admire about KTJ is she holds a linkup once a week  called non-scale victories.

 

Hallelujah!

 

Someone who rejoices in more than just the number.

 

I think I can handle this!

 

So here it is my Pretties. My non-scale victories! (NSV)::

 

1. I dragged my lazy butt out of my house yesterday and hit up the gym! (By myself! Gotta be my own supporter, remember?)

 

2. I didn't stop by DQ and get myself the most AMAZING chocolate chip mint milk shake.

 

CELEBRATE IT FOLKS!!!

 

3. I am fitting back into my pants... AND... need a belt. Oh yes. The small victories. :)

 

4. We made dinner before Josh had to go to mutual last night. Yum- and it was GOOD!

 

5. Shaylee let me put her hair into pigtails. (This is worth mentioning... EVERYTIME!)

 

6. I drove over Snoqualmie Pass TWICE two days ago... to take my mom to visit my sister and her family. And I didn't crap my pants! WOOT!

 

ALWAYS celebrate clean underwear folks. Always.

 

and 7. I put myself out there and joined this KTJ group and met some amazing hot mama's out there.

 

And with that, we are gonna rock it!

 

Because we are ALL beautiful!

 

~Nikki

Gotta Work It!

I don't really have any time to go to the gym today... and I'm feeling withdrawals. That's a great sign my peeps. A great sign at that.

I had decided to start off slow this go around and work my way up. I figured this will really help me not feel the burn out after 10 weeks like I tend to do. I'm a machine, and I don't mean this in the, "look at me go- I am amazing" way. More like the, "I am amazing and no one can stop me... until my parts all fall off." And then I'm done. For months.

Defiintely something I am working on... cause who wants to be the lady with missing parts? ;) You get me? haha!

Also different this time around is my motivation.

Oh don't get me wrong, I always start out like a tank. (Notice the machine metaphor?) I am unstoppable and food? Psh. Doesn't phase me. (Unless it's chocolate... cause holy hannah, we all know I'm a choc-a-holic! wink wink!)

THIS time, instead of waiting for whom ever my buddy is to meet me at the gym ... I am my own buddy. I do have a buddy system and have another amazing friend coming along this journey as well, but our circumstances are a little different. So I need to be my own best friend. I need to be my own cheerleader. Because in the end, I am the only one that feels the disappointment and emotional heartbreak when I don't complete my goals.

So... since I can't go to the gym today, I will attempt "Insanity." This will be my third time in a two week time frame. Because of my weight and strength level I am not doing the program, just choosing a work out and going for it in my own sexy phat self way!

Picture it.

And when you are done laughing...

Do it!

Because you deserve it too!  ;) ~Nikki

Organizing the Chaos...

In order for me to get myself and my life in order I need organize my mind. But in order to have an organized mind... I need to first organize my home. We have lived in our new home for a year now, and within that time had a new baby. Put new baby in the mix and you have a recipe for chaos and definitely NO time for decorating. But now that my Ms. Lou is getting more independant I have time to actually do things in my home that makes me feel better about it.

So here we go!

 

And so far my one pound a week goal is on fire. Haha! I have lost two pounds. ;) Right on track, right? So that puts me at 256. I'm actually pretty proud of myself. YAY!

Let me know what things YOU are doing to help clear up the chaos in your life? 

The Sweetest Thang...

                                                                                                                                         THAT'S ME! V


Happy New Year every one! :)

In closing to 2012 I am going to confess something...

The GLADIATOR Challenge was the WORST thing I have EVER done! I think I killed myself... seriously. I never worked so hard in my life. Ever.

Think about it here.

In one week I went to like 4 strength training classes. YES YOU READ IT RIGHT FRIEND. FOUR!!!!

What ever happened to giving a specific muscle group a day of rest? Well... wah wuh. That is why I am sitting here with my head hanging low announcing that.... my team did not... make the cut. ACK!

But the challenge DID do something for me. Oh yeah.

It taught me I am a SORE loser. Festering, stinky wound type of sore!

I have been to the gym TWICE since being wiped off that board like a dirty wash rag. Um. Yes. And it was MONTHS ago.

Okay, well now that I am done wimpering about it I can move on and say, "Happy New Year!" And with that I have NEW goals! Yay! But of course they are still pretty much the same since I have yet to lose all of my amazing grandeur self! Yup. I went there. I am GRAND!

1. Eat healthy... and teach my family how to eat healthy... and be HAPPY about it.

Eating healthy isn't a life sentence to hell. But somehow my mind gets all muddy and I feel depressed at the thought of pushing aside the cookies to make room for the collared greens. ICK.

2. I'm not in this to become a super model...

 I mean heck- I probably could have been one at one point in my life... but that was pre-hubby and definitely pre-babies! Now I will only ever be type-casted as an ogre. LOL... words someone has actually said to me. Woot! Bring on Shreck baby!

... But I am in this to get a healthy respect for myself and food. I AM BEAUTIFUL DANG IT! Why do I NOT still see it? Harrumpf.

3. And finally... I need to find happiness in all the little things.

For some reason "The Sweetest Thing" just started running through my head.

Soooo.... Here's to 2013. Hopefully I write in my blog a little more consistently. I also started a facebook group page that I and a friend head up called  "Super Moms Making Lifechanges." Yeah yeah... there's a typo. I can't change it and it is KILLING ME! I'm OCD. This is definitely not in harmony with my soul.

FOUR!.... Let loose of my OCD TENDANCIES!

Dear lord. You would think it is the end of the World. ;)

Oh wait. We already surprassed that, didn't we?

And with that I bid you adue! And c'mon! Share your goals with me already! ;)
(Ps. My hubby just shared his with me and we had a great big laugh. He wanted (past tense) to accomplish 1,000,000 push-ups and sit-ups in a year. Lets do the math shall we? That is 2,739.63 a day folks. A DAY!!!! BAHAHAHA! Yeah- that's pretty funny!)

Love Nikki!

An Amazing Woman... and Story...

Hey everyone! I know it has been WAY too long since I have been on here and for that I apologize. My life has been in CHAOS since the last time I have written. We have had a death in the family, gone to Las Vegas to visit family, and I even participated in a Gladiator Challenge. But enough of all that! I wanted to introduce you to Heather.

Heather is a mom just like most of us... except she has a story. Her story is one that is inspirational, and scary. She came to me a few months ago asking if she could guest post on my blog. At first I felt shy that someone I didn't know was interested in writing for me to tell her story... and then I wasn't sure if it was legit. I e-mailed her back and learned that she was a real peson behind her e-mail. Not just another scam. So then I got excited! Anyway, I'm sorry it has taken me so long to post this!

I hope you all read closely... and maybe we all can make sure we're taking care of our little ones the best way we can. By taking care of ourselves first.

************************************************************************

My Shocking Diagnosis

Three and a half months after I had my first child, I heard words that I never expected to hear. I will never forget the shock that I felt when my doctor walked into the room and said just three words, "You have cancer."

As a new mom, I was supposed to be enjoying one of the happiest times of my life. After the initial shock of my diagnosis wore off, I wanted to know everything that I could about my disease. I found out that my type of cancer was called malignant pleural mesothelioma. Mesothelioma cancer is normally a result of asbestos exposure. When I found out this information, I was even more confused. I thought asbestos was banned, and how could I have been exposed?

It turns out that I was unwittingly exposed to asbestos as a child. My father worked as a construction worker, mainly with drywall. The dust from these messy construction projects came home with him every day on his clothes. At that time, we had no idea that millions of small asbestos particles were being spread throughout our car and home on his clothes. I inhaled those fibers day after day. Many years later, this inhalation would result in a very serious form of cancer.

I received my diagnosis when I was just 36 years old. At that time, the Mayo Clinic only knew of one other person my age who had contracted malignant pleural mesothelioma. The typical mesothelioma patient does not look a lot like me. Most patients are males who are older than I am. They typically have worked either in the military or in a trade, such as electricians, construction workers, plumbers and mechanics.

However, doctors started to see a new influx of mesothelioma sufferers. Many women started getting sick, and most of these women were wives of men who worked in these areas. These women were being exposed to asbestos every day as they washed their husband's clothes and cleaned their homes. When a woman would shake the dust out of her husband's shirt, she was inhaling these deadly particles. Some women were also exposed to asbestos as they entered the worked force. Secretaries who worked in office buildings with asbestos in the tiles were exposed on a daily basis.

Sadly, the extent of mesothelioma patients does not end with middle-aged men and women. My case was one of the first of many among younger mesothelioma sufferers. Many of us were exposed to asbestos as young children. I have heard hundreds of tragic stories. Children played in attics that were filled with asbestos, or went to schools that were affected. Others were exposed when they hugged their dads at the end of his workday. Since the asbestos dust was still on his clothing, they were inhaling a poison that would come back to haunt them.

It is sad to see so many other young adults suffering from mesothelioma, but it is comforting to know that I am not alone in my journey. I continue to share my story so that others will know there is hope after cancer. No one expects to spend the best years of their life surrounded by doctors and hospitals, but there is beauty among the ashes.
As this cancer becomes more common, mesothelioma treatments are advancing. More patients are surviving and going on to lead healthy, normal lives.

I would never have chosen a mesothelioma diagnosis for myself, but I refuse to live in fear of this disease. When I share my story with others, I want them to know that there is life on the other side of cancer. When you are very sick, it is easy to feel isolated and lonely. Each time I talk with another young mesothelioma patient, we are able to support each other.

Cancer changed my life, but not all of the changes have been negative. I know that I appreciate the little things in life more now than I did before I was sick. I do not take my friends and family members for granted, and I have learned how strong I can be in the face of tremendous adversity. To learn more about mesothelioma, watch this short video: What is Mesothelioma?

 

***********************************************************************

 

Thank you so much Heather for sharing and teaching us about something not many of us are aware of.

 

You truly exemplify what my title means. You are beautiful.

 

~Nikki

 

Everybody LOVES a Whiner- Whuddya Thinking?

I know, I know. No one wants to read about someone else's woes or hear them whine. But... since this is MY blog, I want to whine and woe!

 (Stop judging... you think it's funny too! haha!)

I have had absolutely NO desire to eat right these last couple of weeks. Okay. I'm going to be honest here- for two months. TWO MONTHS of only wanting CRAP to eat is NOT the way you're supposed to lose weight. And it is discouraging.

It takes a LOT of discipline to eat right... all day... every day. A LOT.

And man, I was kicking trash. I was averaging 3 pounds a week just eating right and working out every day. Some might say that I burned myself out but I know the truth. My knee. My attitude. My CHOCOHOLIC ADDICTION!

When something goes wrong I tend to throw my hands up in the air. It isn't the right attitude and I do need to learn to just ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES but that takes practice. I need to practice rolling my big 'ol booty before I take punches along with it. It 'aint that easy friends. Not one bit.

Yesterday and the last couple of days I have been lethargic. I have had NO energy. I have been hating on everything and everyone. I am the shiz. You get that people! The shiz! How can people NOT see that???? haha... Okay, that was a bit too intense, even for me. ;) But really, my attitude sucks.

For some reason I have been justifying my bad habits. I will wake up in the morning and stare at all the yummy amazing cereal in our pantry and talk myself INTO eating it.

"Mmmmm... Nichole. You know you want it. It's so good. Look! The caloric intake is LESS than what you could possibly eat while eating healthy."

And then when I am done with my MASSIVE bowl of Cookie Crisp I have another conversation with myself.

"Mmmm... Nichole. That was SO good. Wasn't that just a party in my mouth? Mmmm... Lets replay that party!"

And then I have a second bowl... except this time it is Captain Crunch.

And then I feel like CRAP. Like- UBER crap!

Not only have I started my day off bad with horrible eating habits, but I am now bogged down by guilt and sugar. And then I crash from the MASSIVE sugar high I get from all that sugary goodness.

And this is the cycle.

I am a crack head.  A full blown sugar crack insaniac!

So right now as I am woeing and whining about my sadness due to my lack of self control I am having a banana, peanut butter, and vanilla whey protein shake. I am trying to pull in the reigns of my insaniac tendancies because I know it is a lifestyle change. It isn't going to be easy or fun. It is going to suck. Infact, it will suck worse and worse every time I have to re-detoxify myself.

Getting fat is easy friends. It is easy and it is lonely. It is easy and it isn't all that fun. Getting skinny... now that's the hard stuff. And it is hard and it is once again LONELY. But I need to stop being my own co-dependant and just CUT THE CRAP.

So today I'm starting over again. I am having my protein shake while boiling eggs for my lunch. I will count my calories again even though I HATE IT to the very core that is me. HATE IT! But I will do it.

Because friends- I have got to believe that there is a light at the end of this hellish tunnel and the only way I will ever see it is if I do the work.

I. CAN. DO. THE. WORK. I have to believe that I can.

xoxo Nikki
Ps. All pictures were found using BING images. First picture was edited to keep this blog as PG as possible. ;)

My Life. In a Nutshell...

So every year I like to update this blog on who I am and who I have become. This is always fun for me to read later on and I will eventually publish/ print this blog for my family. This fight against obesity is the HARDEST trial I have had to overcome all by myself. I have had other struggles that were challenging, but I wasn't alone in them. THIS is a lonely battle. THIS can only be changed by ME. And so keeping an appropriate record of this battle of the fatties will be my legacy for my children. (Hopefully not my only legacy... but one for them to be proud of.)

So this is me... in the raw. As of September 2012.

I am 28 years old (awaiting my impending 29th birthday in a few short months). ACK! Next year will be my DIRTY 30! And by that, I of course mean some sort of food fight... right? ;)

My husband and I bought our first house this last November. It was a very LONG process... and I had hopes to paint all the walls and make it super duper trendy. 9 months later I am FINALLY finding things on swap sites for super cheap. YAY! Money is definitely not to be spent frivolously at this time in our lives. We have a mortgage now people! haha!

I ADORE my sister. She is my best friend. She is also my BIGGEST inspiration right now. She's the skinnier version of me on the LEFT... haha! :)

I think it is important to figure out what and who inspires us, and she does it for me. She started out in a not-so-different situation as I concerning her weight gain. But instead of letting it take over her life like I did... she took care of it. When ever I see her I feel renewed. I KNOW that I can look like that too! I mean- we do have the same genes and all! ;) HAHA!

When I reached my 25 pound loss I got a little bit of a makeover. I went from ghetto to fab in 4 hours! haha! Yeah... it took me 4 hours! ;) That's how much of a hot mess I was.

 ^2012

v2005

 My husband and I are having our 7 year anniversary in November. We have grown up so much in that time! Looking at both of these pictures kind of make me giggle. We look like such THUGS in the bottom one! Yeah... we were super fly. BAHAHA... Not so much.

I also reached my heaviest weight this year. 279 after Lyndi was born. This has DESTROYED what ever pride I have ever had in who I was. But I am working hard to get it off. I have hit a plateau and know all the jargon behind it but still need to find that inner strength to fight through it. I have it in me, I just NEED to find the energy.

Any suggestions? ;)

My favorite color is an olivey/ lime green. LOVE IT! Want to decorate my entire house in it! :)

I am a photographer. Mostly for hobby... but I am starting to move away from just being an artist into making a little ooh-la-la on the side. ;) (By that I, of course, mean money... what are you thinking crazy???)

And the biggest part of who I am right now is a SAHM of 3 cuddly, crazy and cute bug-a-boo's! I love them SO much. So much I want to rip all of my hair out... daily. So much we live practically destitute so that I can be home with them... daily. SO MUCH that I pray for them several times ... daily. I just can't imagine my life with out them, even if it is a difficult life right now. They can make me laugh like no one else. (They can also make me yell like no one else either! haha!)

But with those few little facts make up a whole lotta me. I love chocolate and hate whole grains. I love ice cream... and can settle for skinny cow. *And don't be fooled here... SKINNY COW IS PRETTY AMAZING! I just love me some nice creamy cream ice cream.*

And in closing I would like to re-explain my title. Not to you... but to me. Sometimes I get a little shy because it sounds a little narcissistic. I mean, doesn't it? "ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL?" I mean... REALLY? Couldn't I have chosen something a little LESS vain?

Well here's the thing. EVERY woman- young, old, and every one in between- needs to KNOW that she is beautiful. It doesn't matter the number on the scale. My number is 253 but as you just read you know that that isn't what makes me Nichole. Nikki. Babe. Goose. ;) There is so much to me then being the fat sister. I am outgoing and funny. I am also very hard to get close to. I have a love hate relationship with relationships. My best friends are that... They are MY BEST FRIENDS. They had to fight for that title. But THAT'S who I am. I am NOT the fat girl.

Every woman needs to find that INNER beauty and rejoice in it. We are AMAZING creatures. Seriously. A-MAZE-ING!  *Any thing that can endure the horrors of labor... and then endure the pain of breast feeding is freaking awesome. We are freaking awesome even if we don't breast feed. We are AWESOME because we have the choice to do what ever the heck we want.

We are amazing.

And we are beautiful.

And I need to keep my title the way it is... because I need to see it. Daily. For myself.

Because I am just like the rest of you... with just another 70 pounds to go before I am normal. And no, that doesn't make me the fat girl.

It makes me beautiful.

BECAUSE my friends. We are ALL beautiful... and freaking AMAZING!

Love Nikki