Day 4- GAG...

I will just let my video do all the talking for me. Please ignore the pampered chef pan... that baked our chicken- the only thing we ate!

For the most part everything else has been... satisfactory. I have found some favorites. Okay, I'm lying... I actually haven't yet- but at least I am surviving right?

I thank the good Lord every day I started purchasing thrive freeze dried fruit however. It's the only thing keeping me alive when I have moments like the video above shows. ;)

Black and Yellow...

So there's this song out called BLACK AND YELLOW. My sister burned me a cd with a bunch of catchy hip hop and rock songs on it to get my blood boiling for workouts. Let me tell you... as I was driving to my PT session at EM and this song came on, my new mini van must have been bouncing all over the road. I think I worked out harder in the car dancing to this then I ever have at the gym!

haha!

Okay... not really. But I did enjoy this bumping song! I don't care for the colors/ teams but I definitely do enjoy a good song to get me amped for a work out.

That said I was on a stationary bike getting warmed up and my PT Mark walks up behind me and grabs my Ipod. What does he see? Korn and Limp Bizcuit. Oh goodness.

I think perhaps I need to change up my style a little?

Or perhaps take this caged up hidden aggression and start jogging again!

That's right folks... I only have three more sessions and I am feeling A-MAZING! I just might be able to get this body back into shape to start training for a triathlon again. Or.... just training. :) We all know that training and me definitely end in tortoreous pain so I'll take it easy.

I am excited though, to put on more of that BLACK AND YELLOW and hit the pavement again! I will be the oddest looking runner you have ever seen yet!

Love Me!

ps. I just looked up some images to put up with my blog just now... and am NOT impressed with who sings this song. *gag*

The Little Voice in my Head...

Like I said in my last post I was going to read through the book, "Just 10 Lbs" and keep a sort of journal as I chug along. I'm a very critical reader (a sorry fault of mine) so don't take what I have to say as gospel (good or bad) because you may miss out on something that could really benefit you! We're all very different people with different experiences and beliefs. This review is just one person's opinion. I hope you take the time to make one for yourself. :)

Reading through the book I have found a lot of solace in several sections that I have read. The author Brad Lamm came up with 10 steps to help the "overeater" overcome and conquer this horrible battle. They include:

1: Live the Love Centered Diet.

2: Start a Moving Meditation.

3: Develop a Daily Practice.

4: Appreciate Your Body.

5: Love Yourself Thin.

6: Maintain Loving Connections.

7. Eliminate Excuses

8. Examine Your Battleground Beliefs

9. Connect with Higher-Source Thinking

and step 10: Pay it Forward.

In the first section you learn, "you are how you eat" and even get to take a test to learn what kind of eater you are. I am the EMOTIONAL eater.

Of course I already knew this.

When you find yourself eating because you are lonely, bored, happy, sad, and/or angry you KNOW that you have a bad relationship with food. It's the facing it head on and breaking free from the mental bondage that is hard. Lamm is adament that repeating healthy and good words of affirmation are important to healing yourself. Surprisingly enough I actually like this.

Yesterday I took the time to practice what I read and sat on my bed for a couple of minutes to just meditate and appreciate the life that I have. I then repeated to myself that "I am beautiful" and other phrases that are more personal to me.

When I was done I looked up into the mirror and actually saw beauty there, and it was peaceful. I haven't felt pretty or beautiful in awhile. The disease is a BIG voice in my head that tells me every day that I am not worth anything. This voice tells me when I do mess up and eat something I shouldn't that I always knew I couldn't do it. That I might as well continue to eat anyway because nothing I do or say will fix me.

THIS VOICE IN MY HEAD IS WRONG.

Something I've learned recently in an interview with my church leader, my Bishop, is that I (and every one of you) are all divine children of Heavenly Father. Of course I've grown up hearing those words every Sunday and Wednesday but never really listened to those words. Heavenly Father made us in his image- therefore I can't be ugly. How can I hate something that our Lord created? And most importantly, that voice in my head? That's satan. That voice in my head is the devil trying to make be believe I am less than what I really am... a daughter of God.

Now when I read in the book that I should take some time every morning to repeat words of affirmation, chant and pray I actually ROLLED my eyes. Can you see me now CHANTING in my bedroom? That just sounds a little- whacko?! Not me AT all. But I continued reading and really can appreciate the wisdom behind it. I will take it upon me to say prayers in the morning asking for help every day, and I will continue to repeat to myself how amazing I am. And soon will walk tall with truth behind my gait instead of the quite hatred I've held in my heart.

I will also promise, however, that you will NOT be hearing me chant any time soon. I just might die falling off the bed convulsing in laughter. :) And that can't be healthy either... haha!

The next section I've started is Appreciate Your Body. I have a lot to learn and I'm excited to have found this book... because for someone who has been on this journey for almost a year- I still have a LONG way to go.

And I hope you take that journey with me.

Love Nichole

A Book...

So I started reading a book. (I know... Crazy that I can read, right?! HAHA!) In this book it talks a lot about over-eating and over coming obstacles. It also talks about how setting a huge weight-loss goal can actually hinder your success. I have to admit that I was REALLY skeptical at first until the author started talking about his struggle with binging and purging.

SMACK.

I was immediately absorbed. I have this fascination with eating disorders and have even written a small thesis on two of them, annorexia and bulimia. I, however, never delved into the world of over-eating because I never thought this could be me. In fact when I was writing my thesis I was already fully absorbed in my new world of agony. I didn't even know it yet. I thought I was just better. I was eating... and that was good, yes? NOPE. It was just my "disease" taking a new route because I had mentally road blocked any other way for my issues to express themselves.

So when I read about this author's struggle very similar to mine I became more interested in what he had to say. I mean, he has obviously kicked his "habit" and is even famous for being an inspirational interventionist. That has to count for something, doesn't it?

I think I will take upon myself a new venture that may help me along this healing lifestyle change. If you are interested in joining me the book is called Just 10 Lbs. by Brad Lamm. I have a friend who was on the VIEW recently because she is working hand in hand with Brad fighting this battle herself. Even if I don't agree or like parts of the book I will still learn something... so here I go! :)

I will (of course) leave blog/ journal entries as I move along through the book. Hopefully some of the "issues" I have had with self-image and food can help someone else out there... because as hard as it is to believe this...

WE. ARE. ALL. BEAUTIFUL.

And we deserve to live our lives knowing as much.

A Few Firsts...

The other day I bought my first offical fancy pair of running shoes. They are the ASIS Gel-Kayano's almost exactly like the ones in the picture here- except pink, black, and white on the top side. I love them.

I am however EXTREMELY annoyed about something I JUST found out. I spent $140.00 on the shoes and bought inserts for my high archs hoping that would help with my shin splints... leaving my bill at $200.00. I know. I know. WHO PAYS THAT??? Well, apparently only me. I just looked online to find this picture and found them on SALE for $87.00. WHAT THE WHO!?! I think I feel more then a little robbed...

But alas- that's not what I was going to write about. I was going to write about how excited I am to finally have some nice shoes. I'm hoping that they will help with my hip, leg, and shins. GEESH. I'm really falling apart on myself, aren't I?

But no worries! I'm happily terrified to announce that I will be starting a completely new regimine beginning tomorrow at 8:45 am. I am scared to death. haha! I will be working with a personal trainer that has experience, and knowledge in hip injuries. He also works under a physical therapist so I feel that I am in great hands. I mean, the last physical therapist I saw two weeks ago left me lame for two days afterward. What can be worse then that?

So tomorrow- on Valentines day... I just might die. But that's okay because I will die in a sweaty oblivion wearing brand new pink shoes. Not a whole lot more I can beg for if you ask me. :)

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! :)

ps. I have to add that I have been saving up for these shoes for awhile. My husband and I talked about it with some professionals trying to find the right "fit" for me. It kind of seems like a frivolous buy when we are saving for a home... but getting me up and moving again has to be a priority as well. :)

You can also find the site for the great deals here. I selected pink and put in my shoe size of 10.5- which is hard to find. Good luck!!!

Friday Loves- Product Previews

This week I was introduced to two fairly new products. When I saw both I was a little confused as to WHY anyone would want either of them, but I am slowly learning to appreciate them for what they are worth.

I am going to dedicate my "Friday Loves" to these two products!:

When you think of insanity what is the first thing that comes to your mind? A crazy lady. You after a day with teething/ sick/ angry children??? Or working out? (...and yes this is me. We all have our not-so-pretty moments. This just happens to be one of mine! )

Well apparently someone somewhere thought of something completely different when they heard that one four-syllable word. Apparenlty this person thought of... PAIN!!! When my husband was invited to practically kill himself with some work friends for 60 days he jumped at the prospect. Why? I have no idea. I guess I wasn't what he needed as motivation to get his body in gear. But the truth is... Ryan and Nick- You guys really have done something great! Josh is actually excited about doing something- even if it does make me want to claw my eyeballs out in pain!

So for our five year wedding anniversary I told him he could find the best deal out there and buy it online. I also told him not to argue about it because if he doesn't buy it himself, I would just go buy it for full price- which ranges over $150. Excited and feeling competitive he scrolled through amazon.com and ebay and found a brand new extended program version for $69! Instead of bidding on it for a lower price, he just bought it straight out!

I've done the fitness test twice, and he's started the program. IT HURTS. That's all I can say right now. My armpits hurt, my pectoral muscles hurt, even my stupid ankle muscles that I detest so much are hurting. I'll let you know as we progress how I really feel about it! :)

I saw something else this week that completely boggled my mind! Five finger Vibram shoes. They are what they sound like... TOE SHOES! .....

Do they not look like gorilla feet???? WHY? Is all I can think when I see these suckers. And in real life, I just laughed for a good 10 minutes.

I guess they're actually really good for your feet. Not only do they kind of remind me of aquasocks (water shoes) but they're universal. They can be used for running, swimming, AND rock climbing.

Society and fashion has slowly transformed how we are supposed to walk/ run into trying to make our bottoms look good. Did you know you aren't supposed to focus all of your weight on your heal? It's mostly designed for balance? I didn't know that and my feet can attest that I've been running incorrectly!

Rachel bought this exact pair (up above) and I was there when she put them on for the first time. Like I said, I'm a little confused by them. I guess I'll have to try them on before I can actually say if I love them or...HATE them! HAHA! As it stands I'd rather watch Rachel wear them while I suffer along in my crappy shoes for now.

For now! :)

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Have you seen any new products lately that are directed towards a healthy lifestyle out there? If so I want to know! isntshebeautiful@hotmail.com