The Next Jane Fonda

I went to the gym today. I tend to go a few times a week. Today I decided I wanted to try out something new and join a class I have never participated in before. Going up to the instructor and asking what I needed was awkward, but alas I did it and am so grateful I did!

I tried a Step Class for the very first time! Total Jane Fonda style, but oh so much hotter. I was sweating like a cow in my new long sleeved moisture wiccing shirt and long tight @$$ leggings. Have I ever mentioned I have issues with anything that covers my knees or even quarter length sleeves? I was the poster child for sex appeal as I plie'd and pirouetted up and down off of that step. There was a moment when we were jumping across the top of the step that I may have put a bit too much jump into it. Landing with a slight umpf and extra funk in my step, I recovered beautifully.

(Yes... this is me... and no I'm not stepping... however I am running. So, you can picture it right?)

A slight butt cramp in my left cheek and a spasm in my right thigh I completed that class with grace. Perhaps not honor- but total grace.

The instructor came up to give me a sweaty elbow "high-five" and told me I did great. She had to tell me that since she's the instructor, but I soaked it up. I opened my mouth and I don't know why- but I spouted out word vomit all over her 5 foot thin and perfectly shaped body.

Have you ever done that?

Just started talking and all shots are off? Choking on word barf as you are actually turning shades of purple and yet... you still can't stop?

Yup. Apparently I have mastered this art. And said instructor has mastered slowly walking away while trying to run for her life.

Standing alone and feeling slightly stupid I started to feel sort of sorry for myself. And lonely. Isn't that interesting? I felt TOTALLY naked and lonely. Walking out of the exercise room staring down my reflection in the mirror that spans the entire width of the room, I tried to gather what was left of my sorry soppy pride. Scuttling down the hall I went to get a towel to help mop up my pit stains that were no longer isolated to my pits, I saw the chance to redeem myself!

A little old lady! In fact, THE little old lady that had saved me before Step had even started. I guess you are supposed to check to make sure your "stands" that raise the base of the bench are set into place so you don't die or break a leg. She saw that mine wasn't secured and rescued me as I was getting ready to heave my gigantic self onto it.

One.

Two.

"STOPPPPPP!!!!"

I was grateful for that little old lady. :) And quite impressed. She danced all around me and then was ready for more even after the class was finished!

So as I was passing her in the hallway I bent down to her level (first mistake) and said as loudly (second mistake) and as jovially as I could muster, "WOW. I SURE LOVED THAT CLASS!!!"

"WHAAAAAAT????" she said quite loudly herself as she squinted right back at me.

Again, starting another round of the purples I mumbled, "I really enjoyed that class!"

"GOOD. Now make sure you come back then."

And with that she walked off, leaving me alone and stupid all over again.

"What the heck!!! I must be all sorts of nasty right now" I thought to myself as I gathered that much needed towel. Entering the cardio/ weights room I found the quietest corner I could squeeze myself into to stretch out my assaulted muscles. Putting my hot pink child sized ear buds into my ears I turned on my purple IPOD shuffle. And I had a moment.

I had a eye-watering-throat-choking-moment. Bending over to stretch my back and hamstrings I tried to regain my composure. I didn't want anyone to look over and see me not only purple faced, but with a full on ugly cry going.

The most beautiful song came on that reminded me of my importance. I know it seems silly, but when you have a lot of weight to lose, you feel sort of invisible. I may be the size of a baby elephant- but I feel as small an ant sometimes. I have learned that in order for me to be successful I need to have a lot of emotional support. That includes feeling noticed. Feeling important. Feeling present. And when you go to a gym as a large woman- it's easy to not feel ANY of those things.

But here's the thing this song reminded me of. It isn't anyone else's problem if I don't feel those things. It's MY problem. It's MY perspective. I need to turn my own perspective around and know that the only person that is either hurting or benefiting from my feelings is me. Being present is what I was being when I went to the gym this morning. Being present and trying to be healthy is what I am aiming for every day as I continue to fight this awful disease of obesity.

So maybe I may feel inadequate and self-conscious... and maybe I was judged by a few young bippidy boppidy girls that haven't lived a full life yet, I know that I am important. I am WORTH IT. And I am a work in progress and always will be.

And that makes me... me. :)

So next time you're at the gym don't give the fat girl any pitying glances or smiles of encouragement. Get your sexy beast of a person out of your comfort zone and just go say "hi." Who knows. You may make a new friend- or get your trash kicked.

It's worth a shot right?

Song: Closer to You by Calee Reed.
Closer To You sample

To Be Your Own Advocate

There is something that has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. And it is something that has come around in my life these last few years several times. In order to get to where you want to be and do what you wish to do- you have to learn to be your very own advocate.

Working out can be daunting if it hasn't been a part of your life in a long while. It can be overwhelming and scary stepping into a gym, or class. Trying out a new video is embarrassing, even if no one is there to watch you flap your arms in desperation while your flab flies in defiance.

Working out can be hard.

Finding a work out partner puts a lot of these unfounded worries aside for the time being. My workout partners in my past have become my best friends. I adore them. Even if I'm not working out with them anymore- they are still very important influences in my life.

But here's the thing... we can't put our health and lifestyle on our partners. They are our friends and confidants. They are there to support us and push us along the journey through hell... But they aren't the one that can do the work for you.

Only you can do that.

Only I can do that.

There will be a time when we will all have a "coming to Jesus" moment when it comes to getting healthy. If you haven't found that yet, you will.

I had mine- not too long ago. It was one of the biggest motivators for me to start this detox journey.

This epiphany is the moment when you realize that yes, I LOVE MY WORK OUT PARTNER- BUT... but if my workout partner can not work out with me today or tomorrow- it doesn't give me the day off.

Yep- I just changed from second to first person there. It was intentional. ;) 

Learn to love yourself enough to know that you can do it- with or with out your work out partner. Be your best friend. Push yourself. Enjoy the journey along the way. It's a long road ... and will be a lonely one if you don't start trusting yourself to be your own cheerleader.

I know that if I can figure this out myself- then you can too.

When you have your own moment of wisdom I want to hear about it. Not some story about pretending you had that moment- but truly. DEEP DOWN had that moment.

Only YOU can change YOUR life.

And I know you can do it if I have been doing it too.

Because guess what- YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL... AND guess what. Reaching beast mode on your own in the gym... it's a beautiful thing. :)

Today I weigh 220 pounds. (Pic was from last week.) I started integrating normal foods back into my diet because I got concerned about the amount of weight loss I was experiencing. 12 pounds so far this month. My worry was that I would gain it all back once I started eating wheat and dairy again. I still eat paleo for the most part- but am not so nazi about it anymore.

The detox worked.

It curbed my cravings and I'm under control again.

And I've learned and developed some new habits. :) I say it was a success.

But more about my final thoughts a little later.

I truly hope that you take what I have said into your hearts. I know the frustration of giving up, and I know the fear of doing it alone. It is an irrational fear and you DESERVE better.

You deserve to be healthy.

You deserve to have the confidence to KNOW you can do it on your own.

Love Nichole- another mama who has had to learn the hard way that she too is worth it.

It's a Hard Knock Life Y'all...

So I really try to keep this blog positive- and for the most part I think that I have. Unfortunately in the world of weight loss- it isn't always positive.

I had an amazing Thanksgiving break. I mean it was SUPER yummy.

But what do you think that means?

Of course it can only mean one thing, right? WEIGHT GAIN.

I gained 6 POUNDS!

After the devastation wore off I had to sit down and contemplate what on earth happened and how I gained when I still need to lose 40+ pounds.  That's when I realized something...

Eating three pies practically on your own will probably do that to ya.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

So I hit the gym hard this week and of course was using MY FITNESS PAL and I already got 3 of those suckers off. Hopefully next week I can get two more and then be on my way back DOWN. To be honest, I haven't felt this sore in a LONG time though. Not a good sign that I have been utilizing my work outs as much as I should have been, eh?

But enough of that... I have another sad sad declaration. One that makes me want to punch holes into my body.

I TURNED 30!!!! HOLY FREAKING COW!

There were some fun events that came about because of that. Some included CAKE, ice cream, MOVIE, dinner, ICE SKATING, movie, lunch, oh and frozen yogurt of course. (Hmmmm... perhaps some of this weight gain happened BEFORE Thanksgiving? I think I would feel a little better about that for some reason...)

Anyway- you will have to watch the video below to figure out what the heck happened on my birthday! :)

... And then I went bat pooh crazy and punched needles through my body.... and got it on video...

So enough of my yatching and moaning. I will do something about it, but I will also recognize that no matter what- a few pounds is just that. A few pounds. I should be patting myself on the back for losing the amount I did in the first place. I am after all still a mother and wife. I still have other responsibilities. And not only that- I am only human. :)

My First Race... Ever.

So I have gone on and on about how I was going to do a triathlon. For years I have trained and got injured and then pregnant. And then injured again. But finally this year I met one of my biggest goals, ever.

I ran my first triathlon.

Granted it was only a sprint- but by golly it was one of the hardest things I have ever done physically and mentally, all at the same time. It was such a test of strength that I didn't even know I possessed! And have never been so proud of myself either. I truly feel like a champion. :)

And to top it off- I had the privilege of doing it with two beautiful and amazing friends. Heather (on the left) and Aimee (on the right).

My original goal was to complete the race in 2 hours and 15 minutes. My friend Cassie even told me that if I made THAT specific goal she would buy me dinner.

I may or may not have SMOKED that goal OUT of the water. I guess you are going to have to continue to read to find out! :) haha!

First off, I trained at doing the quarter mile swim in 9 minutes. I however, was NOT prepared for the onslaught of feet and arms flailing towards my face during the entirety of the swim portion. I had to walk in when I wanted to dive in and then got kicked in the face by numerous feet three different times- to the point of choking. I had to even flip over on my back at one point because someone behind me swam OVER me. WOW. I'm sorry- I didn't realize this was a race to the DEATH!!!

At least now I know what to expect and where to position myself for next time- if there ever is a next time that is. I finished in a little over 11 minutes. I was pretty mad about it... but at least I didn't drown! :)

Now onto the bike portion of the race. 14 miles of hills. Up and down, luckily. But a fairly intense ride if you're pushing yourself hard. In the photo below there is a young woman in blue to the right of me. She should be pretty happy neither one of us died because she passed me going up a hill and then decided to coast going back down it. "WOMAN WATCH OUT!!!"

Okay I didn't yell that- but she was weaving back and forth so I did yell out, "Pick a side, I'm trying to pass." As you can see in this picture we played cat and mouse for most of the race. I beat her going into the second transition though. BOO-YEAH! haha!

And then there's the run.

Oh the run.

How I DREADED that run!

At 3.2 miles it was absolutely HORRIBLE!!!! haha!

So I stuffed my face with gummy bears and went for it. Don't look TOO closely in this next picture below because my cheeks just might be full. Maybe.

Also, running while having to pee is NEVER a good thing. I also learned to not run in wet biker shorts. It creates a rubbing action... that leaves you... a little... raw.

Enough said.

 

Towards the end of the run I was so exhausted. I stopped to stretch my legs and began to walk, briskly- but still a walk. An older man ran by me and said, "Come on girl! We're almost there- lets keep running!" He was so nice and funny. He carried me into the finish line where my friends and family were waiting for me at the finish line. If you can look more closely at the picture directly below me, you can see that I have a huge grin on my face.

 

It's because my friends were yelling, "WOOT!!! LETS GO NICHOLE!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!! YEAH NICHOLE!!!"

 

It was exhilarating. The most amazing feeling ever.

 

And so I pushed it.

 

Hard.

 

Crossing that finish line was full of so many different emotions. I was so overwhelmed by them I began to cry. I had finally accomplished my dream of running a tri. I had done it.

I was finally able to say that I did it.

To me this triathlon symbolized so much. It's hard to actually explain it in words. Losing almost 60 pounds, with another 40 to go- this was almost a different type of finish line for me. Like, I'm almost there- don't give up yet! So close. :)

I still am so amazed by this accomplishment.

And so here I am today writing my story down for myself, my friends/ readers, and my children- My goal was 2 hours and 15 minutes.

I crossed the finish line at 1 hour and 48 minutes.



IF YOU WANT IT- YOU CAN ACHIEVE IT. You just have to believe it- and you can do anything you put your heart to.

Love Nikki.

T-22 Hours till RACE DAY!

I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I have bile rising up from the back of my throat as I sit here and type this...

I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I may or may not have IBS just THINKING about tomorrow and the triathlon.

I would lying if I didn't tell you I may or may not have almost jumped into a pile or boulders yesterday to avoid tomorrow all together. (Don't worry, it was mostly on accident when me and two girl friends floated the river last night... ha!)

And I definitely would be lying if I didn't tell you that even with all the fear and horrible side effects of the stress, I am SOOOO FREAKING STOKED AND PUMPED it is OUT of this World!!!

Soooo... YEAH. That's pretty much how I feel about tomorrow morning.

Wish me luck y'all. Cause my bowels could use it. :)

Love Nikki

My Name is...

Where or where has Nichole gone? Oh where, oh where can she be?

 

Well lemme tell ya!

 I have been a busy busy bee. This weekend was epic in all amazing proportions. I went to a conference with my sister and a friend... and her sister-in-laws. It was a conference for the women in my church called Time Out for Women. I laughed... and I cried... and I drove for 12 hours!!! Proud much? Well you better be. Cause I didn't gain a single pound.

BOOM!

 My sister and I! Love her to pieces!

But let me get to the guts of this post. You see those legs?

Those SEXY sexy legs?

Check out those muscles! Woo hoo!

 



Well Cassie took me exploring last night.

HA!

Why is this so funny? Well Sunday I had fallen while putting lotion on my crazy amazing legs and fell backwards. I hit my head on the corner of one of our walls and blacked out. It was pretty amazing how loud the fall was. My husband heard it all the way in the garage... and ran to my rescue when he heard my baby SCREAMING because she thought I had died.

I am prone to concussions. Once you have one you are at higher risk to have another one. I have had three. I'm pretty sure Sunday's head smacking ordeal was a minor concussion. I was nauseous and sick all day Sunday, and even yesterday. Today my head hurts- but it's only slight.

And then yesterday. Ohh lucky me, yesterday.

I went out on a walk. We had planned on some interval training but got curious.

Curiosity killed the cat right?

Well it darn near almost killed me too!

I attempted to climb up and over a fallen tree, and one of my legs slipped out from under me. I- how do you say this?... hurt myself? Where the sun doesn't shine.

It took me a minute to catch my breath.

Cassie had to sit down so she wouldn't pee her pants from laughing at me as hard as she was.

And then I almost died AGAIN when we crossed a small swampy stream and the stinking log SNAPPED under my weight. AND DOWN I WENT.

Yay ME. Again.

On the way back my shoes were slippery with mud and blood from the thorns that kept attacking my sexy legs. (Okay, lets be honest, that was just for dramatic affect- the blood was minor. haha!) So I couldn't walk across the huge fallen tree over the river.

I tried once. And then twice.

Not gonna happen. So I just told Cass I was going to just cross the river.

She was bent over laughing at me at this point. And wouldn't ALLOW me to get into the hypothermic making river.

I ended up scooting across the slimy log, while getting groped by branches the entire way. My pants almost didn't make it.

In fact- I ALMOST DIDN'T MAKE IT!

But alas, drama aside I did make it, and we ended up running through the paths and trees. It was beautiful and "happy making." We felt free.

And so you would think that this is the end of my wonderful klutzy adventures, wouldn't you?

Well it's not.

Last night when I got home and after Cassie had taken pictures of my thorn torn legs I did the worst thing a gal with a minor concussion could do.

I SLIPPED AND FELL DOWN MY ASPHALT PATIO STAIRS.

SO.

My name is Nick-klutz.

A name I haven't been known by since highschool.

A name that better NOT take me out this racing season this year, or I am going to raise HADES!

A name that has made not only my head throb, but my booty ache, and my legs burn.

But I look good... so I will continue to carry on.

INJURIES AND ALL!

She's a NUT... And My Inspiration.

When I was talking to my sister earlier today, she told me about how a friend and her ran 33 reps of stairs... took a break, and then ran another 33. Each set was approx. 21 steps.

"Interesting" I thought to myself as I was getting ready for my workout with my buddy 'ol pal Cassie. I figured that since my sister could do 66 REPS- SIXTY SIX PEOPLE... that I could do three sets of 10.

30 reps aint that bad, right?

WRONG.

Holy freaking cow. Is my sister freaking WONDER WOMAN? I mean COME ON! And lets be honest... I had muscle FAILURE at number 29.

I never even MADE it to 30!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (Cassie did though, I can't take that win away from her, now can I?) You like how I added that little bit there really small? *wink*

So I have concluded that my younger sister who is amazing and has two children of her own- is a NUT!

And then there is dear Cassie... who puts up with my shenanigans. Dragging my lard up and down the bleachers... constantly pushing me to run- further. She even pushed me from behind once to speed me up.

 

I have NEVER ran so fast in my life. I may have screamed a little even. Just a little though. ;)

So my conclusion about Cassie is this... she TOO is a nut. :)  

 

 

I know "they" say one of the biggest bores is to post "perfect" pictures that doesn't accurately depict reality. But here is what I have to say about that.

 

Both of these women are amazing, even if more than a little nutty. And they are both my inspiration and examples of how I want to be. This IS my reality. I had the pleasure of taking both of their family portraits and feel that they should both be proud of how hard they work to be as healthy as they are. In a World full of photo shopped images, it can be hard for a woman to find a healthy inspirational figure. I just got lucky. I have found two. :)

 

But enough of the love sap over here. Even I am starting to get goosebumps from holding back the bile in the back of my throat. One can only handle so much mush... and I have met my thresh-hold.

 

So... What have I been up to?

 

Surprisingly enough, a lot. And all good! I even started the dreaded "My Fitness Pal" again and it has worked sooo well! (It's free, sign up and look me up!)

 

I lost 3.4 pounds last week. :)

 

I have FINALLY reached the all elusive 250 mark.
 

Oh quit GAGGING at that number. Yeah it's big... just be grateful it aint yours. And realize that I can probably SMOKE you in any race.

 

Haha- okay only if it's a mile long max, right? ;) *snort*

 

So anyway- Hopefully next week I won't have to use that huge ugly weight that says "250" on the scale when I weigh in.

 

And hopefully- JUST HOPEFULLY- I won't EVER have to use it AGAIN!

 

Now THAT would be EPIC.

 

My proof I'm a cyborg hott mama!

 

Have a UBER great week y'all! <3 p="">  =What the crud heck!? THAT was supposed to be a heart... hmmmm....

And with that, I bid you adeau.  And please, don't forget to look in the mirror and look beyond that cyborg too. Believe it or not- you're beautiful baby!

Love Nikki

My Eye Balls Itch.

UGH. My eyes are totally going to make me grab a fork and stab myself. It is actually pretty disgusting and funny how I got infections in both eyes. In my late 20's.

I got down and dirty.

I mean truly.

I was weight lifting in my strength training class... and my nasty sweat was pouring off of my head and dripping everywhere. I looked as if I had just stepped out of the shower.

The part that totally sucks was I was lying flat on my back doing arm flies. And the SWEAT off of my HAND dripped into my EYES.

AUACKKKKK!!!! *&%$!!!! #$%*!!!!

How disgusting is that?

And to make matters worse, it burned- like a crowning baby. I had to sit up quickly and rubbed the mad crap out of them with the back of my sweaty hands. Yeah. Way to go me. I totally gave myself pink eye.

In both eyes.

And it's hott.

(Ps.  I was going to insert a picture of someone elses pink eye here... but my stomach totally turned and I almost vomitted when I googled it. I dare you to do it on your own free time. haha!)

Now onto some AMAZING news for myself! I was so proud of myself last Saturday!!!

I ran my very first mile straight through- ever. Even when I was skinny I couldn't run a mile straight through with out stopping. I have no idea what the time was, but I'm pretty sure it was somewhere around 12 minutes. This is huge for me- it cut down my mile another 3 minutes from two weeks ago.

YAY!!!! GO ME!!! :)

I also had to rough it up and pee in the woods this week during one of my nightly workouts.

I guess I'm starting to fit in my surroundings.

I'm totally a redneck now.

And for some more proof of my total rednecked-ness... look who tried to get into our house the other night. :)

Aint he so cute? haha!

Reality...

I just got done reading an amazing blog post done by Skinny Meg. When I say amazing- I really mean it. It was so raw and truthful as to how our bodies change during our struggle to lose weight. I have always KNOWN my body won't look the same as it did before I gained the weight, but I never really thought further beyond that point.

"Meg" showed pictures that were encouraging, but also made me sad. I am working so hard to become healthier, but I also want to be proud of how I look. I want to be able to hold my head high and not be embarrassed about my body. I guess the biggest part of my quest is trying to find a way to love myself, no matter my appearance or size. Just getting smaller and skinnier isn't going to be a magic cure-all for the way I see myself. Especially if my body isn't the way I expect it to be after I lose the weight. The change has to happen within my own mind.

I know I have mentioned this time and time again, usually in a funnier light, but I have noticed my tummy starting to droop more. My sad "purse" or "apron" is getting smaller, but it is sagging. I have caught myself staring in the mirror with my shirt lifted just looking at my stomach. I will turn to the side and look at my profile and frown. Although I am significantly shrinking, I have a battle of the bulge going on below the belly button. And no, I am NOT referring to male anatomy. (Get your mind out of the gutter! *wink wink!)

Last night I worked HARD. I went out with my friend Cassie like I do 4 nights a week, and walked the perimeter of our town. Midway through our walk we stopped at the highschool and ran bleachers. We also did tricept dips, burpees, and planks. When we were done with the bleachers we walked onto the football field and ran lines across the entire length of the football field.

I was nauseous. Sick.

My calves were cramping.

My knees throbbed.

I wanted to stop.

Cassie then cracked some joke about how she's getting old. I argued that being fat is MUCH much worse.

We chuckled a little.

But then we got up, stretched, and continued on our walk through the second half of town.

When I got home last night, limping and sore, I had my husband help roll out my shins with a rolling pin. I yelled... a lot. He also massaged out my lower back and... bottom. It was painful.

But after I was done stretching out my cramping and stiff muscles I busted out my free weights and worked on my arms while we watched our evening shows together.

So although my body may be starting to droop and sag in the most unpleasant of ways, I am working hard to find pride in my body. I am working hard to be an example to my children. I am working hard to be the best me I can be. And love myself as I do it.

Next time I catch myself staring at my not so lovely figure that weight gain and pregnancy have helped create and destroy, I will make it a point to say something positive and uplifting to myself. I will make it a point to encourage myself to keep going... and notice the beautiful ways my body is changing.

Not the ugly ways.

Because although it makes me want to cry and give up... I know I am worth it. And I know that you are all worth it too.

We can do this.

And we can do it with our heads held high- knowing we aren't alone.

We {YOU} AREN'T ALONE.

Love Nikki

Who? Me?!

So I'm pretty EXCITED to say I got asked to write a piece for a parenting online magazine. YAY! I turned it in yesterday and am waiting to see what edits have been made to it, or if there is anything I need to do to it before it goes LIVE. ;)

That said... I REALLY wanna post it on here but don't know what to do.

What do you think?

ps. It's about my entire struggle with eating disorders. It's personal, but not TOO deep. I didn't wanna scar some poor unsuspecting soul out there. haha!

ALSO-

My nightly work out buddy is KILLING ME. A slow and horrible death. She makes me RUN with her. No more of that wogging crap my friends. Sprints. And lunges while walking. And the best part?

When a BIG SCARY dog came CHARGING towards me, growl in throat... she yells, "WATCH OUT!"

What do you think I did?

I GRABBED her... and THREW her towards the image I had of a serial killer coming after me with a chainsaw.

I also may have dropped the "f" bomb. I, however, will not admit to such an unlady like word.

So.... short story LONGER... I would have thrown her to her death and ran my big 'ol booty the hell out of there.

I got FLIGHT on the brain!

~Nikki

update 2/19/2013- Silly me... I misunderstood who will be featuring my "story." It won't be an online magazine, but a blog about parenting. :) Woops! haha!

Heffer- on attack.

HOLY MOTHER FREAKING COW!!!!

I went to a strength training class yesterday. It was my first time since.... well it has been awhile. lol! ;)

How'd it go?

Well... lemme tell ya!

I  CAN'T MOVE.

I almost feel like I snapped my back in half and stabbed my hamstrings with a fork- five billion times.

The tricepts are popping up in full force- like they are ready to blow up from the amount of CRAP that is tearing my body in half.

They say when you lift weights and build up muscle, you are tearing muscle fibers. And that you need to give yourself a day of rest so that your muscles can mend.

MY MUSCLES AREN'T MENDING. THEY ARE FALLING OFF OF MY BODY.

And they are taking my brain with them!!!!!!

I need to take a hot shower... and burn off all of my skin. I need to pop my neck and back, back into submission... and tear off my calves while at it.

And can I just leave you all with one more thought. A question if you will?

WHY DO WOMEN WANT ABS???

I honestly feel like I have been in labor all morning. I mean, sure. I want to be hott too. But at the expense of putting myself into false labor every time I do a crunch? Because apparently that's how it feels to build up those long gone flabby friends of mine. I'm not so sure this is what I signed up for when I went to that class yesterday.

Pop my eyeballs back into my head- I am going to take some ibueprofin and ice this sexy phat body of mine.

AND THEN I'M GOING BACK TO THAT CLASS TOMORROW! ;)

Image found on bing images.

5 Tummy Types

This blog posting is basically amazing. I have the ... well... embarrassingly enough... the spare tire! ack! haha! Well... I'm doing all of the right things so I'm already half way there! ;)

Did you find your tummy type listed here as well?

~Nikki

Gotta Work It!

I don't really have any time to go to the gym today... and I'm feeling withdrawals. That's a great sign my peeps. A great sign at that.

I had decided to start off slow this go around and work my way up. I figured this will really help me not feel the burn out after 10 weeks like I tend to do. I'm a machine, and I don't mean this in the, "look at me go- I am amazing" way. More like the, "I am amazing and no one can stop me... until my parts all fall off." And then I'm done. For months.

Defiintely something I am working on... cause who wants to be the lady with missing parts? ;) You get me? haha!

Also different this time around is my motivation.

Oh don't get me wrong, I always start out like a tank. (Notice the machine metaphor?) I am unstoppable and food? Psh. Doesn't phase me. (Unless it's chocolate... cause holy hannah, we all know I'm a choc-a-holic! wink wink!)

THIS time, instead of waiting for whom ever my buddy is to meet me at the gym ... I am my own buddy. I do have a buddy system and have another amazing friend coming along this journey as well, but our circumstances are a little different. So I need to be my own best friend. I need to be my own cheerleader. Because in the end, I am the only one that feels the disappointment and emotional heartbreak when I don't complete my goals.

So... since I can't go to the gym today, I will attempt "Insanity." This will be my third time in a two week time frame. Because of my weight and strength level I am not doing the program, just choosing a work out and going for it in my own sexy phat self way!

Picture it.

And when you are done laughing...

Do it!

Because you deserve it too!  ;) ~Nikki

Everybody LOVES a Whiner- Whuddya Thinking?

I know, I know. No one wants to read about someone else's woes or hear them whine. But... since this is MY blog, I want to whine and woe!

 (Stop judging... you think it's funny too! haha!)

I have had absolutely NO desire to eat right these last couple of weeks. Okay. I'm going to be honest here- for two months. TWO MONTHS of only wanting CRAP to eat is NOT the way you're supposed to lose weight. And it is discouraging.

It takes a LOT of discipline to eat right... all day... every day. A LOT.

And man, I was kicking trash. I was averaging 3 pounds a week just eating right and working out every day. Some might say that I burned myself out but I know the truth. My knee. My attitude. My CHOCOHOLIC ADDICTION!

When something goes wrong I tend to throw my hands up in the air. It isn't the right attitude and I do need to learn to just ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES but that takes practice. I need to practice rolling my big 'ol booty before I take punches along with it. It 'aint that easy friends. Not one bit.

Yesterday and the last couple of days I have been lethargic. I have had NO energy. I have been hating on everything and everyone. I am the shiz. You get that people! The shiz! How can people NOT see that???? haha... Okay, that was a bit too intense, even for me. ;) But really, my attitude sucks.

For some reason I have been justifying my bad habits. I will wake up in the morning and stare at all the yummy amazing cereal in our pantry and talk myself INTO eating it.

"Mmmmm... Nichole. You know you want it. It's so good. Look! The caloric intake is LESS than what you could possibly eat while eating healthy."

And then when I am done with my MASSIVE bowl of Cookie Crisp I have another conversation with myself.

"Mmmm... Nichole. That was SO good. Wasn't that just a party in my mouth? Mmmm... Lets replay that party!"

And then I have a second bowl... except this time it is Captain Crunch.

And then I feel like CRAP. Like- UBER crap!

Not only have I started my day off bad with horrible eating habits, but I am now bogged down by guilt and sugar. And then I crash from the MASSIVE sugar high I get from all that sugary goodness.

And this is the cycle.

I am a crack head.  A full blown sugar crack insaniac!

So right now as I am woeing and whining about my sadness due to my lack of self control I am having a banana, peanut butter, and vanilla whey protein shake. I am trying to pull in the reigns of my insaniac tendancies because I know it is a lifestyle change. It isn't going to be easy or fun. It is going to suck. Infact, it will suck worse and worse every time I have to re-detoxify myself.

Getting fat is easy friends. It is easy and it is lonely. It is easy and it isn't all that fun. Getting skinny... now that's the hard stuff. And it is hard and it is once again LONELY. But I need to stop being my own co-dependant and just CUT THE CRAP.

So today I'm starting over again. I am having my protein shake while boiling eggs for my lunch. I will count my calories again even though I HATE IT to the very core that is me. HATE IT! But I will do it.

Because friends- I have got to believe that there is a light at the end of this hellish tunnel and the only way I will ever see it is if I do the work.

I. CAN. DO. THE. WORK. I have to believe that I can.

xoxo Nikki
Ps. All pictures were found using BING images. First picture was edited to keep this blog as PG as possible. ;)

Holla Back Y'all!

Welcome back to my page of physical pain and doom. Er ... I mean ... Hello? Haha! A lot has happened in my monthly hiatus but I am back, again.

Isn't it funny how I seem to disappear for long periods of time? Well let me clue you in on a little secret. If I have disapeared, then generally I have fallen off the wagon or am injured. Again.

And I have fallen off... because of another injury!

Injury, injury, where art thou injury???

But instead of this being a blog about my injury I will just tell you that I fell two months ago and DESTROYED my husband's rubikscube. AS IN OBLITERATED! And in the process pee'd my pants screaming in miserary. I literally PEE'D myself as I bellowed in pure agony at the impact my knee made with the floor.

While I was whimpering and possibly cursing, my husband lifted my big ol' butt off the ground (or rather helped me roll over) and then I almost puked. My knee was the size of a cantelope! I thought I had flipped my patella! My cap was wrong... just WRONG...

ACK!!!!! YUCK!!! OUWIEEEEEE!!!!

OKAY. So that is that and I am quite the drama queen. My knee cap never dislocated and I apparently have the lowest pain thrush hold eva! EVA!!! (Scream that out loud just for fun. It should sound something like "ever." SHOULD being the operative word...)

So here I sit with a HUGE smile on my face because today I am physically FATIGUED! For the first time in two months I was able to reach that super high that only illegal activity or exercise can create. Woo. I am on FIRE. And I am exhausted.

After two classes of Zumba and an hour of abs and weight lifting I can honestly say I don't care about what I weigh... because no fattie can rock that.

And I ROCKED it!

So here are some words from me to the young girl who snickered at me during class tonight:

Yeah. I'm big. But I am the most awesome 28 year old mom you will ever meet. You keep laughing honey cause I smoked you in class today. I noticed you stopped snickering when my booty shook harder than yours and I also noticed you sat down when I still worked the floor like a fake professional dancer. Oh yeah. Someday you will get it after you have three kids yourself. Someday. In the meantime? Your rude snickers only make me feel sad for you... because instead of making fun of the fat girl in class, you could have been having a "real" experience yourself. But that's okay... because you know what? I ROCKED IT!!! :) Even as you were making fun of me.

I ROCKED IT!

A Little... Naughty

Two weeks ago became the start of an addiction for me. A pretty CRAZY one that gets my heart racing and my cheeks flushed. It makes my mind race and my lungs weeze.

Sometimes I even cough and it makes me slow down a lot when I am whinding down off of it.

Oh dear friends. I HIGHLY recommend this addiction.

Can you SMELL the peer pressure?

It is the ever naughty dance workout ZUMBA.

The first time I did it I literally blushed the ENTIRE time. Not only did the instructor have a ROCKING body that would make a teenage girl envious, she was easily in her late 50's!

Granny got it going on!!! ;)

So there I was trying to keep up with someone who is about 30 years my senior, and I was panting and dying. There were arms flying to the left, and then arms flying right towards my face. When I would finally chance looking around again I would be completely caught off by all the booty shaking and hip thrusting.

Women REALLY like doing this in public??? HA!

Talk about a culture shock!

The part that made me giggle A LOT was that I went to this class with a large group of my mommy friends. Here we are, a group of five or six of us mommies getting our dirty dancing on!

WHAT WILL OUR CHILDREN THINK OF US?!!

I will never look at those innocent little mommies again. The way they got their grooves on, I now KNOW they all got some dirty secrets lying under those pure exteriors. No goody goody can move the way these ladies were moving. It just isn't natural.

I now go at least twice a week with my mommy friends. (haha!)

And during this time I have lost another 5 pounds on top of my 8 two weeks ago. This total's 13 pounds in 2.5 weeks.

And wait! There is more...

I can now shake my money-maker too!

And! *gasps in shock* I enjoy it!

What workouts do YOU enjoy doing?
ps. The instructor wasn't really that old ... I tend to be a tad bit dramatic. She really did look amazing though!
A note for postpartum mommies: This is a GREAT article to keep in mind.

Raquet Ball... Have You Played?

Have you ever played raquet ball? I hadn't really until yesterday, and today- I have tennis HAND! My husband and I decided we wanted to work on some cardio at the gym but I was a little bored with the monotonous eliptical machine. So we reserved a court, grabbed two raquets and the little blue ball and went for it.

While my husband was trying to get a ball rally going all I could picture in my mind was this picture::

And to make this image of ME running even worse, there were easily 200 crazy women folk doing ZUMBA in the gym while we were being illuminated against it with the brightness of our glass encased court. So now picture this cute chubby little girl, as a chubby BIG me in a lighted up FISH TANK!

For shame people. For. Shame. I now give you permission to sanitize your brain.

As I would stand there like a zombie hyper-focusing about my jiggling bottom in my TIGHT yoga pants, PICTURING that some crazy zumba dancing lady was going to stop, point her fingers and LAUGH at my saggy fanny, Josh would yell, "C'mon babe! HUSTLE!" Trying to snap me out of my deer in headlights trance, he had no idea that he was actually contributing to a completely NEW hellish nightmare that goes something like this::

If you are wondering what the significance of the picture above is, let me enlighten you!

7th and 8th grade P.E.

"LETS HUSTLE GIRLS!!!"
"Enough TALKING and more RUNNING ladies!"
"HANSEN! Quit dilly-dallying and go after the BALL!"

Apparently I have never been much of a hustler when it comes to sports. And nothing miraculous changed yesterday just because I was trying to show off to my husband! Looking back on it now, I am pretty sure most of the working out yesterday was being done by my husband. Poor guy.

But to no avail. I did redeem myself for one slight moment...

And guess what! Lucky Josh... It was HIM that got it square in the face.

Great game babe! GREAT GAME! ;)

ps. Yeah, I wish I could totally take credit for any injury caused to my husband during this test of wills... but the sad truth is I have a HORRIBLE swing. If I ever was lucky enough to actually make contact with the ball, it generally went towards my husband's face. ha! Whoops!

All images were found on BING. I take no ownership to any of these artistic properties... just enjoying them like everyone else!

An Eye Rolling Revelation!...

As many of you know (but many still don't!) I have an announcement to make...

I'm....

Not diabetic! HAHAHA! :)

Okay- so honestly I'm pregnant with my third baby. Yay! ...BUUUUT this definitely will put my weight "LOSS" on hold for awhile... but not stop me from being the healthiest me I can be and make this pregnancy the best I have had yet. This is the fittest I have been pregnant and I intend to stay as active as possible. Now you know why I am in the pelvic floor class, eh? HAHA! Honestly though as soon as I create a plan with my doctor on how to manage my weight and the developing baby I will be able to share it with you.

That said I did find out this morning that I am NOT diabetic. After my car accident my urinalysis registered sugar in my urine and my walk-in doctor was adamant that I had diabetes and needed to be tested immediately. Being the stubborn mule that I am, I passively refused by never showing up. I just never went in. How would I have developed diabetes AFTER losing a lot of weight- but not while I was the heaviest I have ever been? It boggled me and I decided he was full of pooh.

Now don't get me wrong, I do respect doctors greatly and I appreciate their concern for their patients, but since having my daughter I have kind of learned to call their bluffs. Most doctors are soo worried about being held liable or be sued they'd rather scare the living snot out of you even if the indicator is so small and minute. My philosophy? THINK BEFORE SPEAKING. I was JUST in a serious car accident... could it be possible there was sugar in my urine because of stress???

Anyway- so all my ranting aside, when I was at my first OB appointment yesterday they MADE me take this test because heaven forbid I go into this pregnancy blind. (Crazy stubborn Nichole...) And this morning I looked online and guess what- HEALTHY AS AN OX! Nothing unusual about me other than pregnant. And the only reason this is unusual is because we have NO idea how far along I am... was I pregnant before the accident? Or afterward??? According to the records I would have gotten pregnant the day OF the accident- NOT LIKELY... :P So in a week, July 2nd, I find out everything that has been running around confusing me in my brain and I can't wait.

Here's to being healthy and trying to remain that way!!! An d I wish all you luck in your journey's to becoming a better you too!

Pelvic Floor Workouts

Did you know that there is more to working out your pelvic floor? Apparently "kegels" aren't the only way to strengthen all those little muscles down there. I've been going to a pelvic floor class and have been doing more squats than I ever would have thought imaginable. My knees and quads are rock solid! :)

Have you ever thrown up and pee'd yourself? Or how about laughed uncontrollably to only have to run to the bathroom and clean up after yourself?

Well I have done both things and have already seen a huge difference by taking this class.

So here I am telling all of you women (and yes MEN!) that you can fix all those little problems (that having children completely destroys in you) by just engaging in squats and lunges. If you are interested in any of these e-mail me at isnt_she_beautiful@hotmail.com and I will send you the power-point with step by step instructions on how to do specific squats that specifically target pelvic floor muscles.

Because it really isn't normal to pee while jogging... ha!

Hi. My name is Nichole... and I'm a...

Hi! My name is Nichole and I am a choc-a-holic {slash} mental case {slash} unusually hilarious {slash} drama queen!

I thought I should lay that all out there just in case you hadn't caught on to my personality yet. :)

For real though, what do you think has been helping me survive this INSANE time of my life right now? Unfortunately it has been chocolate. Not just any ol' chocolate bar though. Nope. It's the Godiva chocolate cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory. It's the chocolate Butterfinger ice cream bars. It's the new strawberry lemonade slushy at McDonald's. Wait... that's not chocolate is it?

Well you're getting the picture of my new dillema.

I have gone from a very HEALTH conscious working out machine to an injured sugar craving mommy monster.

THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!!!

Physical therapy started last week, as did massage therapy. At first I was so excited about these steps leading up to recovery. I had dreamed of luxurious spa like treatment, nice oily rub downs, easy assisted stretching and light work outs.

WHAT WORLD AM I FROM???

Someone had once told me that physical therapists are commonly referred to as physical terrorists. THIS IS TRUE. Apparently you aren't supposed to baby an injury- in my case an injured neck/ right shoulder/ arm. My entire posture has caved in on itself and I am the female version of Quasimodo. It's pretty attractive if I don't say so myself. My physical terrorist... err therapists don't seem to agree. Instead they stretch,

pull, and tug on my arm trying to get my shoulder blade to work the way it's supposed to. I'm not usually so chipper when this is actually happening. :)

Now to the massages. Long, oily rub downs... THEY ARE NOT! Do you know what a trigger point is? Well, everyone has them in different parts of their bodies and especially in injuries. For those of you who have never heard of a trigger point (this was me before the accident), let me explain briefly. They're "knots" in your muscles and tendons. I don't really know anything more medical then that though.

When you go in for a massage for medical reasons- they are not luxurious. Well, that's a lie. They start out luxurious. The massage therapist works his magic rubbing over your back making you believe you are in the ocean and waves are riding across your back. Then he attacks. He finds ALL of your trigger points and PINCHES them until tears come into your eyes.

Now don't get me wrong. I am supposed to say "mercy" when it gets too tough for me; however I have been told many times I don't have a high pain tolerance so I bite my cheeks and close my eyes as TIGHT as I can with out folding my face in on itself. And if you are curious where my trigger points are let me elaborate: my entire Trapezious (sp?) muscle starting from the bottom of my head down past my shoulder blades and up and over my collar bone. That's my back side. My front side? Yup- I have them there too. Awkward much? lol! Right above my right breast all the way up into my collar bone and then into my right arm pit.

Can you imagine having someone PINCH and SQUISH your muscles right there??? IT HURTS!

But complaining aside, these things have REALLY loosened me up and taken away the whip lash migraines. That alone makes my torture sessions WORTH IT! One of my physical therapists even mentioned that my posture is starting to get better. Phew!

Now I haven't been sitting idly by eating my chocolate ice cream bars and reading book after book {cough}, I have also started going on LONG walks with my children in their strollers again. It feels SO nice. I haven't had ANY weight gain and in fact have been complemented that my face is starting thin out again!

WOOT! WOOT!!

I still go to my Monday night Ab Ninja class and leave feeling very wobbly and sore. I'm very careful with my arm, but as of last Monday actually had enough strength in my arm to do some ab workouts involving a medicine ball.

Because triathlon training has been completely TORN from work out regimen I am going to start training for a 5K. With the help of all those around me I think I can really do this. :) I have to believe that so I can stay optimistic and continue this journey with out too many set backs. The Moses Lake Triathlon is this weekend and my heart is sad that I don't get to compete, but I know that there is a bigger picture out there for me. I just have to wait and see what it is.

I hope all of you have a safe Memorial Day weekend and watch out for those teenage girls with five or ten piercings in their faces- they'll get you when you least expect it! HAHA! {No offense to anyone personally!}

Love Nichole!