Reality...

I just got done reading an amazing blog post done by Skinny Meg. When I say amazing- I really mean it. It was so raw and truthful as to how our bodies change during our struggle to lose weight. I have always KNOWN my body won't look the same as it did before I gained the weight, but I never really thought further beyond that point.

"Meg" showed pictures that were encouraging, but also made me sad. I am working so hard to become healthier, but I also want to be proud of how I look. I want to be able to hold my head high and not be embarrassed about my body. I guess the biggest part of my quest is trying to find a way to love myself, no matter my appearance or size. Just getting smaller and skinnier isn't going to be a magic cure-all for the way I see myself. Especially if my body isn't the way I expect it to be after I lose the weight. The change has to happen within my own mind.

I know I have mentioned this time and time again, usually in a funnier light, but I have noticed my tummy starting to droop more. My sad "purse" or "apron" is getting smaller, but it is sagging. I have caught myself staring in the mirror with my shirt lifted just looking at my stomach. I will turn to the side and look at my profile and frown. Although I am significantly shrinking, I have a battle of the bulge going on below the belly button. And no, I am NOT referring to male anatomy. (Get your mind out of the gutter! *wink wink!)

Last night I worked HARD. I went out with my friend Cassie like I do 4 nights a week, and walked the perimeter of our town. Midway through our walk we stopped at the highschool and ran bleachers. We also did tricept dips, burpees, and planks. When we were done with the bleachers we walked onto the football field and ran lines across the entire length of the football field.

I was nauseous. Sick.

My calves were cramping.

My knees throbbed.

I wanted to stop.

Cassie then cracked some joke about how she's getting old. I argued that being fat is MUCH much worse.

We chuckled a little.

But then we got up, stretched, and continued on our walk through the second half of town.

When I got home last night, limping and sore, I had my husband help roll out my shins with a rolling pin. I yelled... a lot. He also massaged out my lower back and... bottom. It was painful.

But after I was done stretching out my cramping and stiff muscles I busted out my free weights and worked on my arms while we watched our evening shows together.

So although my body may be starting to droop and sag in the most unpleasant of ways, I am working hard to find pride in my body. I am working hard to be an example to my children. I am working hard to be the best me I can be. And love myself as I do it.

Next time I catch myself staring at my not so lovely figure that weight gain and pregnancy have helped create and destroy, I will make it a point to say something positive and uplifting to myself. I will make it a point to encourage myself to keep going... and notice the beautiful ways my body is changing.

Not the ugly ways.

Because although it makes me want to cry and give up... I know I am worth it. And I know that you are all worth it too.

We can do this.

And we can do it with our heads held high- knowing we aren't alone.

We {YOU} AREN'T ALONE.

Love Nikki