Day 14 VLOG Analysis...

Hey everyone! If you have 10 minutes I strongly encourage you to watch my video on the Paleo Challenge I have been doing. :) If you have't seen me in a while, it'll be a nice little refresher on how DRAMATIC I am. Goodness watching myself on camera is a little... awkward. hahaha! 

Enjoy! 

Here's the link in case it doesn't work. :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5EywDV0DRo&feature=youtu.be

A Reminder... For the New Year...

I know I won't finish this post tonight before I completely zonk out for bed. I just may fall asleep here as I am typing this to you... but I felt it was important for myself to write how I am feeling. right. now.

Tomorrow I start the paleo diet... or rather in 50 minutes. I am really looking forward to it for only one reason. I will go into that more thoroughly in a moment.

This moment, as I am sitting here typing this I am sick. My stomach feels fat and bloated and over all just not healthy.

I'm dizzy and feeling jittery.

I almost feel as if I am going to pass out.

I have that horrible bile feeling rising up in the back of my throat- and I'm getting the cold sweats. You know the feeling, right before you vomit.

And here's the kicker- I am not sick.

Not in a contagious way anyway.

I am sugar crashing. HARD.

For some reason I thought it would be so much fun to binge and eat as much as I could and get all the munchies "out" of my system- enjoy the junk before I pack it away.

WELL GOOD GRACIOUS... WHY DID I DO THAT?

Now I'm just SICK. And fat. And totally gross feeling.

UGH.... So this is me REMINDING myself WHY I decided to go paleo in January for 30 days.

It's to get THIS nasty feeling OUT of my system. I need to PURGE these cravings and detox from everything I yearn for but everything my body revolts against. I need to take back what is mine, and that is not just my body- but also my will power.

I am so TIRED of feeling out of control. Believe it or not folks... just because you lose a lot of weight does NOT mean the journey is over. My journey is FAR from over. I hit some hiccups in the road that actually extended my journey out even farther and so here I proclaim it:

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

Take CONTROL Nichole. Take ACTION Nichole. THIS IS YOUR BODY.

THIS IS MY BODY.

And so in now 42 minutes- I will begin a new chapter in my journey... and I will document it for all to read about. I may do a vlog towards the end- all of my camera's are dead right now. (HAHA- GO FIGURE EH? Not like I'm not a photographer or anything?)

So here are my stats- please don't judge as it is honestly harder to put up that I have gained then it was to initially say how large I started out at.

Paleo Diet Stats BEFORE::

230 POUNDS
6 ft.
Size 16/18
Work out stamina: medium although I feel super sore more often then I had when doing Insanity. Definitely not as fit as I was one month ago. :/

I will take pictures- but won't show those until I have after's.... for obvious "I'm still a girl with some pride" reasons... HAHA!

Thanks for taking this journey with me. I will need all the support I can get!
Love Nichole

Ps. I totally finished my post in time! :) haha!

When You Change...

It has been a long time since I have sat down and actually decided to write something for the whole World to see. My journey has continued and I have done quite well actually, with this journey. I have officially lost 57 pounds and am able to play the way I have always wanted to do. I even cut my hair off and made myself look the way I feel- sexy.

But with a change this huge there are other changes that come along the way. Not all of them are what you expected, nor are all of them good. Most is good... but not all.

I'm sure many of you have heard of "fat girl brain." Let me tell you... it is real. I am still very much the same size in my mind as I was when I started out. I was 279 when I began documenting my weight and a size 24 at 6 feet. Today I am 222 pounds and a size 16 at 6 feet. I could barely squeeze into booths at a restaurant and always wore things that didn't fit correctly to hide my true form. I was always tired, cried a lot, and couldn't run a mile.

A lot has changed.

But to me- nothing has changed.

When I'm out running alone I can push myself, but only so far. I give up. "I can't do this" I think to myself and stop. But when I'm out running with my friend Cassie I can go 3 miles. Why can't I do that alone?

The hardest part about losing weight is trying to find out who you are in the process. I have always been very outgoing and active. I love to be a little crazy and explore. I love to challenge myself and lose myself in the moment. Becoming this person again has definitely been difficult when it comes to some of my relationships. People I met when I was at my largest point knew me as "that" girl... and expected me to stay "that" girl. THAT was never who I was. Getting back to me has strained relationships which I never anticipated. You don't just get smaller when you lose weight, you heal. You heal emotionally and mentally. You become stronger... and generally more confident. You stick up for yourself more and put up with less. This is a GOOD thing. But not everyone agrees.

My hardest struggle lately has been in the decision to actually go through with my goal and promise to myself over three years ago and ACTUALLY do a triathlon. I have a lot of support and great friends involved. But I'm stuck. I'm stuck with the fat girl brain. I'm stuck with my confidence. And I'm tired of competing for everything.

I understand this is for me. And I understand that I am not, nor have I ever claimed to be an athlete. My time will not be the best. In fact I MAY be the very last man standing. And I think I'm okay with this. What I am NOT okay with is being asked what my time is and then have it rubbed in my face how much better everyone else did.

Granted I don't know that that will happen. It's a fear I have though. I'm sure it is an irrational one at that too. But it is still a very real fear. One that has taken control for way too long.

And so with this- I am committing.

I WILL sign up for the August 10th sprint triathlon.

I am scared, angry, and tired... BUT I WILL DO IT.

And to all the haters out there... I know where that comes from. I know your insecurities. I still love you for it... and when you are ready to get to know the REAL me, I will be there waiting.

Love a girl who knows YOU ALL have it in you- because trust me... going through what I have been through- If I can do it. YOU MOST CERTAINLY CAN DO IT TOO!

 

 

I Got to Play for my Mother's Day...

This year was a fantastic mothers day. Mostly because it was the first time I have been able to play on the playground equipment with my children. I climbed and swung and jumped all over it like a crazy baboon. I even swung on the swings... AND DIDN'T BREAK IT!

It was amazing.

And it reminded me why I started this journey.

Not just for me- but FOR my children.

I made memories for all of us that will carry hopefully with us for our entire lifetimes. It was such a great feeling.

And so with that, today I am at 44 pounds lost. I started out at 279 and am now 235. I am finally passed  my pre pregnancy weight (238) with my first child, from six years ago.

I'm ALMOST there.

I'm almost at my 50 pound mark.

And then it's to 200 pounds. My marriage weight. :) (Remember, I'm 6 ft.- that's actually a pretty great weight for me.)

So here I was yesterday with my baby:

 (Note- You can still see my scars from my exploring adventures in the blackberries. Note NOTE- I don't see a huge difference in this particular picture. I think it's the horizontal stripes... but my legs are bomb... right? HAHA!)

 

And I reminder of where I started:

And another reminder of where I am going:

  Wedding weight: 200 pounds.

Remember- IF I CAN DO IT... You all totally can. We are beautiful, and we can totally rock it. :)

Apple Bottom Jeans...

Happy Monday everyone! I am so stinking pumped about everything that happened this weekend. First off we went out with some friends and went to dinner, then bowling... then to DQ's. lol! It was so much fun! And all for my hubby's 30'th birthday. *la'sigh*

It's a sign of the times y'all... when bowling makes for an epic evening. And yup. I said epic. :)

First off Red Robbin is such a yummy burger joint. Uber yummy! Yummy to my tummy, yummy.

But I with held and restrained myself by getting the blt croissant and a side salad. I only ate half of the blt and guess what- that made it only 330 calories. Way to work it, Ms. Nichole.

And yes, I did just cheer myself on.

But one of the most exciting parts leading up to our date night was the fact that I fit into my size 18 jeans that I haven't worn in YEARS! And even then... it was only when I had spanks on.

No spanks then! And yes... I have a serious apple bottom. What ev. I'm resigned to the fact that I will always have a Kardashian booty- and I'm okay with that. ;)

This is my hubby and I eight years ago... almost exactly- showing off our bottoms for our engagement pics. haha! And once again, an apple bottom. It is what it is... :)

Continuing on... this morning after my mad dash through hell to the dentist with all three of my children, I weighed in. I'm pretty sure one of the reasons I did so well with my weigh-in was because of how profusely sweaty I was from the stress of making sure no one got lost at the office. Note to self- never take a 5 year old, 3 year old, and 1 year old into a dental office with a HUGE @$$ GINORMOUS stroller as the restraint. It don't fit... and ain't nobody got time fo' dat!

Between me getting sandwiched in the hallway and Lyndi flinging her bottle around hollering at the top of her lungs I was mortified and had the great lakes spewing out of my arm pits. Luckily I was wearing my work out clothes. Sadly I went to the gym AFTERward.

Eh. I'll let the dentist believe I went to the gym and got funky before hand. No shame in that.

But enough of my skirting around my numbers though. I lost another 2 pounds. That puts me at 242 pounds with a 37 pound loss. YIPPEEEEE!!!!

And I lifted weights by myself in the cardio room with the big dogs. I may have been just a little intimidated by the mere muscle mass around me... but I pumped me some iron anyway.

Big bootie got it GOIN' ON- and if my bootie can handle it... I know yours can too!

Pretty much the most flattering picture of me... ever. Take it and run my friends. And if this doesn't fuel your fire, then I can't help you. Nobody can. You're a lost cause. Give up.  Go see a therapist. :) haha!

 

Anyway, I hope you all had a great weekend too- filled with lots of rewards and happiness.

 

Love a mama that knows YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!

Non-Scale Victories... AND Scale Victories!

Hey ya'll! I know today is supposed to be all about focussing on all things but scale... but it has been a great week so I have to focus a LITTLE on my scale victory.

First off- I LOST 3 POUNDS THIS LAST WEEK!!! :) Yay! That puts me at 35 pounds lost. I'm pretty proud of myself. It has been pretty stinking hard. That puts me at 244!

VICTORY!!!!

And now onto... NSV'S! :)

I did super great over Easter. It was an 8 hour drive round trip and I didn't even eat myself into sugar oblivion. That my friends is a fete never accomplished.

During Saturday nights Chili feed with my husbands family... I only had a third of a potatoe. And whaddya know... I was stuffed.

I worked out pretty hard Monday and Wednesday. My friend Cass went out of town and I still went to the gym to get my burn on. Although my mouth hurt a lot from all the dental work, I felt amazing and was uber happy I went.

I took the kids to the park for a couple of hours yesterday and soaked up a lot of vitamin D. Normally after a work out I go home and zone out. I didn't this time. GO ME! :)

I even went to McDonalds and treated myself yesterday. I wanted a normal size oreo McFlurry with hot fudge added (SOOO GOOD!) BUT instead got a plain sundae with a Strawberries n'creme pie. I know, I know... I splurged... BUT I was well within my calorie goals and I went to bed satisfied.

Last week I helped clean a friends house on Friday for 6 hours. She lives an hour away and so it took the entire day but I had enough energy to get most of the house clean. I'm ADHD so please- BE PROUD. :)

And my biggest NSV for the week- I shared my "story" on someone elses blog. (You can find it by clicking on the link.) This took lots of guts, and is somewhat embarassing... but I did it. :)

Anyway, I have a friend coming over so I should clean up my own house a little. Hope you all had some good victories as well.

Dear Mr. Fat Scale

Dear Mr. Fat Scale,

This week I made it. I made it to the point where I don't have to use the FAT WEIGHT on your scale anymore. :) Yay!!! I'm so excited, I reached 249. It was only a little over a pound of a loss this week but I am stinking exstatic about that accomplishment. I ate horribly for three different meals but worked really hard to burn more calories. I'm pretty pleased with the results... and nothing your depressing self can do can take that win away from me.

Mr. Fat scale, I'm super sick right now but you still don't have control over me and what I eat. I'm learning to get rid of you. I'm learning to break my addiction from you. You sir, are a horrible thing. You sir have created so many miserable days and weeks in my life. YOU SIR- can just suck a toe, and MY toe will do just fine!

Mr. Fat scale, one day I won't need you at all anymore. I yearn for that day. The day I can look in the mirror and be proud of who I see stairing back at me. I yearn for the day that I don't see a fat girl, but a beautiful mommy. A beautiful daughter of our Heavenly Father. I will see an athlete.

Mr. Fat scale, although my numbers on your scale aren't dropping drastically... my inches are. I bought new clothes the other day... take THAT you miserable object of my rejections. I fit in clothes from American Eagle and even bought some darling new shoes. Because I am learning to break our relationship and walk away, I am finding pleasure in all of the simple things I used to do for myself. And now that my rolls are getting smaller and firming up, and my muscles are lifting out of the saggy state they have been living in... I will continue to shop for new clothes that make me feel pretty.

YOU MR. FAT SCALE HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THIS ANYMORE.

Although I wish I could just kick you out the door and never look at you again, I unfortunately still have a ways to go before I can rid myself of you, my enabler... my codependant. But I am proud of myself... and I am happy.

 

 

My rolls are melting away like butter... and I will only keep on keep'n on!!! With or with out my

Mr.Fat Scale. :)

 

Love Nikki

She's a NUT... And My Inspiration.

When I was talking to my sister earlier today, she told me about how a friend and her ran 33 reps of stairs... took a break, and then ran another 33. Each set was approx. 21 steps.

"Interesting" I thought to myself as I was getting ready for my workout with my buddy 'ol pal Cassie. I figured that since my sister could do 66 REPS- SIXTY SIX PEOPLE... that I could do three sets of 10.

30 reps aint that bad, right?

WRONG.

Holy freaking cow. Is my sister freaking WONDER WOMAN? I mean COME ON! And lets be honest... I had muscle FAILURE at number 29.

I never even MADE it to 30!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (Cassie did though, I can't take that win away from her, now can I?) You like how I added that little bit there really small? *wink*

So I have concluded that my younger sister who is amazing and has two children of her own- is a NUT!

And then there is dear Cassie... who puts up with my shenanigans. Dragging my lard up and down the bleachers... constantly pushing me to run- further. She even pushed me from behind once to speed me up.

 

I have NEVER ran so fast in my life. I may have screamed a little even. Just a little though. ;)

So my conclusion about Cassie is this... she TOO is a nut. :)  

 

 

I know "they" say one of the biggest bores is to post "perfect" pictures that doesn't accurately depict reality. But here is what I have to say about that.

 

Both of these women are amazing, even if more than a little nutty. And they are both my inspiration and examples of how I want to be. This IS my reality. I had the pleasure of taking both of their family portraits and feel that they should both be proud of how hard they work to be as healthy as they are. In a World full of photo shopped images, it can be hard for a woman to find a healthy inspirational figure. I just got lucky. I have found two. :)

 

But enough of the love sap over here. Even I am starting to get goosebumps from holding back the bile in the back of my throat. One can only handle so much mush... and I have met my thresh-hold.

 

So... What have I been up to?

 

Surprisingly enough, a lot. And all good! I even started the dreaded "My Fitness Pal" again and it has worked sooo well! (It's free, sign up and look me up!)

 

I lost 3.4 pounds last week. :)

 

I have FINALLY reached the all elusive 250 mark.
 

Oh quit GAGGING at that number. Yeah it's big... just be grateful it aint yours. And realize that I can probably SMOKE you in any race.

 

Haha- okay only if it's a mile long max, right? ;) *snort*

 

So anyway- Hopefully next week I won't have to use that huge ugly weight that says "250" on the scale when I weigh in.

 

And hopefully- JUST HOPEFULLY- I won't EVER have to use it AGAIN!

 

Now THAT would be EPIC.

 

My proof I'm a cyborg hott mama!

 

Have a UBER great week y'all! <3 p="">  =What the crud heck!? THAT was supposed to be a heart... hmmmm....

And with that, I bid you adeau.  And please, don't forget to look in the mirror and look beyond that cyborg too. Believe it or not- you're beautiful baby!

Love Nikki

Saturday Blues = Monday's Yellows!!!

Be still my heart, I have some new followers! :) Welcome, and I hope I don't disappoint!

Saturday was a fun day! Well- it started out fun... and then went from fun to just plain funny. 

So I was sitting in my friend *Lacy's* van. And we were rocking out.

Like hard core!

With 5 teenagers in the car.

We were pretty awesome driving these teenagers to a dance an hour away. *Lacy then leaned towards me- while DRIVING and started to sing to me. In an intense, dramatic, head shaking sort of way. Pushing myself back laughing, trying to save my honor I turned my head back to the road.

Well apparently my dear friend had forgotten SHE was the driver...

And we were off the road.

Heading towards a telephone pole.

*"LACYYYYYYYEEEEEE!!!!!!!!" I screamed with a blood curdling ring to it.

The ENTIRE van was now screaming. Can you picture it? Two adults, and five teenagers- SCREAMING.

A LOT.

Well alas, no fear. She recovered quickly AND safely and we had a pretty uneventful drive to the city... laughing the entire time.

But little did we know the heavy sorrow our *ahem* MY heavy bosom would feel later in the evening.

Excited *Lacy and I hit the mall trying to figure out what we were going to do with our childless hours while the teens were dancing their hormonal sweaty hearts out. We practically RAN through the Macy's doors, the wind in our hair... dollar clearance signs in our eyes!

I learned something about myself. I LOVE Lucky Brand.

I HATE how poor it makes me feel.

Defeated and unwilling to shell out $100 for a shirt or sweater we dragged out sloppy selves off to ROSS.

HEAVEN!!!!

Cute clothes?! Cheap PRICES?! Who could want for more?!

Well... apparently I could.

There's a reason those clothes be CHEAP! Nothing fits!!!

Infact, NOTHING fit over my big 'ol weened boobies. Wah-wuh. I mean... REALLY. *Lacy had to come INTO my dressing room and pull the dress OFF of me. I was a mess of snorts and giggles at how awful this situation was.

We walked out empty handed... and drove to Jack in the Box.

And had ourselves BIG 'OL chocolate MILKSHAKES. AND IT WAS GOOOOD!

So because of how depressing my shopping trip was this weekend, I was feeling pretty lowly about myself as I drove my ragged body to the gym this morning. I have purposefully refrained from weighing myself for several weeks because I don't do well with failure. I hate it. But I had a little surprise.

I have lost FIVE (5!!!) pounds in two weeks.

I HAVE BROKEN THROUGH MY PLATEAU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOO HOOOO!!!!

So screw the department stores. Because girls, lemme tell you! I look darn good, and no fashion designer can take that away from me just because my figure doesn't fit into what they deem normal.

My bod is rock'n. And I am working hard for it! :)
(Although I would like to mention that big boobs... are HIGHLY over-rated.)
*Name has been changed for anonymity- hahaha! I'm sure everyone that KNOWS me will know who this Lacy lady is! ;)

Love Nikki

Before and After shots & my VICTORIES!

First off... be ever so proud of me and my sexy self. I dragged myself to that horrible strength training class again... and I totally rocked it.

 

I was THE biggest girl in there... and the only one that couldn't do the curtsey squats, but I didn't let that stop me. I still worked out REALLY hard. And I felt empowered doing it. In fact, I felt proud and elated that I went again. :) I think I will continue with this class. It hurts like a cow giving birth, but I will look like a mermaid when it's all said and done! Oh yes!

 

So today I am linking up my NSV's again today. :) I actually REALLY enjoy focusing on all of that... so here it goes!::

 

1. Check out the before picture. You will have to excuse the AWESOME shirt... hehe! I needed to protect my modesty... and your eyes. ;) I tried to keep a few rolls visible. You get the picture. Top picture was from this summer at 279 pounds. I was really unhappy and postpartum nasty looking. I know, I know... I was still beautiful on the inside. (Still working on it... lol!) And the bottom picture- THAT is my victory! 

 

 

Looking at that bottom picture, I don't care WHAT you say... or what the number is. You can SEE how hard I have been working. Yeah I still have a LONG way to go... but people... This is it. This is what I have been working for.  You can read about my last picture comparisons here. These are before Lyndi and so I did gain all of that weight back. But like I said... I'm getting there again!

 

2. I went to that HORRIBLE strength training class... TWICE!

 

3. I took a dear friend to Lynnwood and "played" but only ate half of my burger. :) And then!- I was careful with my money. I also brought my piece of pie home and shared it with my husband. BOOM! 3 for 1!

 

4. I felt empowered and proud to be me. Just for the heck of it.

 

AND 5!!! I didn't swear when my baby went all Freddy Kruegar on my face. :)

 

 

 

WHAT WERE YOURS? ;)

 

~Nikki

 

 

My Life. In a Nutshell...

So every year I like to update this blog on who I am and who I have become. This is always fun for me to read later on and I will eventually publish/ print this blog for my family. This fight against obesity is the HARDEST trial I have had to overcome all by myself. I have had other struggles that were challenging, but I wasn't alone in them. THIS is a lonely battle. THIS can only be changed by ME. And so keeping an appropriate record of this battle of the fatties will be my legacy for my children. (Hopefully not my only legacy... but one for them to be proud of.)

So this is me... in the raw. As of September 2012.

I am 28 years old (awaiting my impending 29th birthday in a few short months). ACK! Next year will be my DIRTY 30! And by that, I of course mean some sort of food fight... right? ;)

My husband and I bought our first house this last November. It was a very LONG process... and I had hopes to paint all the walls and make it super duper trendy. 9 months later I am FINALLY finding things on swap sites for super cheap. YAY! Money is definitely not to be spent frivolously at this time in our lives. We have a mortgage now people! haha!

I ADORE my sister. She is my best friend. She is also my BIGGEST inspiration right now. She's the skinnier version of me on the LEFT... haha! :)

I think it is important to figure out what and who inspires us, and she does it for me. She started out in a not-so-different situation as I concerning her weight gain. But instead of letting it take over her life like I did... she took care of it. When ever I see her I feel renewed. I KNOW that I can look like that too! I mean- we do have the same genes and all! ;) HAHA!

When I reached my 25 pound loss I got a little bit of a makeover. I went from ghetto to fab in 4 hours! haha! Yeah... it took me 4 hours! ;) That's how much of a hot mess I was.

 ^2012

v2005

 My husband and I are having our 7 year anniversary in November. We have grown up so much in that time! Looking at both of these pictures kind of make me giggle. We look like such THUGS in the bottom one! Yeah... we were super fly. BAHAHA... Not so much.

I also reached my heaviest weight this year. 279 after Lyndi was born. This has DESTROYED what ever pride I have ever had in who I was. But I am working hard to get it off. I have hit a plateau and know all the jargon behind it but still need to find that inner strength to fight through it. I have it in me, I just NEED to find the energy.

Any suggestions? ;)

My favorite color is an olivey/ lime green. LOVE IT! Want to decorate my entire house in it! :)

I am a photographer. Mostly for hobby... but I am starting to move away from just being an artist into making a little ooh-la-la on the side. ;) (By that I, of course, mean money... what are you thinking crazy???)

And the biggest part of who I am right now is a SAHM of 3 cuddly, crazy and cute bug-a-boo's! I love them SO much. So much I want to rip all of my hair out... daily. So much we live practically destitute so that I can be home with them... daily. SO MUCH that I pray for them several times ... daily. I just can't imagine my life with out them, even if it is a difficult life right now. They can make me laugh like no one else. (They can also make me yell like no one else either! haha!)

But with those few little facts make up a whole lotta me. I love chocolate and hate whole grains. I love ice cream... and can settle for skinny cow. *And don't be fooled here... SKINNY COW IS PRETTY AMAZING! I just love me some nice creamy cream ice cream.*

And in closing I would like to re-explain my title. Not to you... but to me. Sometimes I get a little shy because it sounds a little narcissistic. I mean, doesn't it? "ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL?" I mean... REALLY? Couldn't I have chosen something a little LESS vain?

Well here's the thing. EVERY woman- young, old, and every one in between- needs to KNOW that she is beautiful. It doesn't matter the number on the scale. My number is 253 but as you just read you know that that isn't what makes me Nichole. Nikki. Babe. Goose. ;) There is so much to me then being the fat sister. I am outgoing and funny. I am also very hard to get close to. I have a love hate relationship with relationships. My best friends are that... They are MY BEST FRIENDS. They had to fight for that title. But THAT'S who I am. I am NOT the fat girl.

Every woman needs to find that INNER beauty and rejoice in it. We are AMAZING creatures. Seriously. A-MAZE-ING!  *Any thing that can endure the horrors of labor... and then endure the pain of breast feeding is freaking awesome. We are freaking awesome even if we don't breast feed. We are AWESOME because we have the choice to do what ever the heck we want.

We are amazing.

And we are beautiful.

And I need to keep my title the way it is... because I need to see it. Daily. For myself.

Because I am just like the rest of you... with just another 70 pounds to go before I am normal. And no, that doesn't make me the fat girl.

It makes me beautiful.

BECAUSE my friends. We are ALL beautiful... and freaking AMAZING!

Love Nikki

Staring That 20 Down!

As most of you know from either reading my blog, or from fighting the battle yourself- weight loss is a BEAR. It is not enjoyable. It is not an experience you want to live through more than once ... and yet for most of us we have to.

Being fat stinks.

But you know what DOESN'T stink?

When you kick fat's trash and can walk off triumphant.

Now don't get me wrong. I have a LONG way to go... but you have to celebrate the victories along the way. And today was definitly a victory.

I stepped up on that scale and slowly slid the weight across the manual do-hicky thingy and my heart leaped.

I didn't only SMASH my 20 pound mark in the dirt, I STOMPED and burried it with a whopping 21 pounds lost in 7 weeks.

Goodbye 260's. I will NEVER see you again!

And for a quick picture comparison of how I've changed in 20 pounds:

I have dropped 7.7% of my over all body weight and am now even running. On Saturday I ran a 5K with a group of friends. (Okay, I may have walked some too... haha!) But the fact is... I ran! I HATE running! And it didn't HURT. :)

As I was posting this picture comparison, my husband, Josh kind of laughed a little. He said it looks like I am smuggling something in my sweatshirt. HA! Thanks babe. ;) It's true though, it kind of looks like I tried to smuggle in another butt through my front side. But you know what. I was happy. And you know why? Because I had my third little baby with me, and my other two toddlers were at an Easter egg hunt. I was happy with my family and my life... but when I saw this picture for the first time I was mortified. My life was perfect, but I was not.

I took control of myself and my life. I am not perfect and will struggle for the rest of my life with my weight and my own self-image... but I can tell you right now...

I am PROUD of that after picture. Makeup-less and all. :)

EAT DIRT FAT... Because you are no longer eating away at me!

(I am also VERY proud to say that my husband has lost 16 pounds right along with me. When he laughed at my picture, I snorted right back at his! hahaha! *wink wink!)

Weigh-In Madness...

I am MAD.
I am INSANE.

and I am ADDICTED.

Surprisingly enough, it isn't food that I am talking about either. Woot! There's always a first time for everything, right?

Riiiiight.

I am addicted to my Monday weigh-ins. I look FORWARD to seeing what my last week has done to me. It tells me if I did well or if I need to amp up the workouts or change the routine up a bit.

So here it is. In six weeks I have lost 18 pounds. I am averaging 3 pounds a week. Not too shabby my friends. Normal, healthy weight loss is about 2 pounds a week. But when you get as heavy as I did it is common to drop a little more for awhile. My milk is doing well and my baby is quite the little fatty. (And why is that okay when they are little!? She is so stinking cute and rolly polly- and she don't care! Ah, to be a baby again!)

So although I have many addictions this is a new one for me. I used to DREAD the weigh-in. But I think I am doing really well and will be posting pictures next week because... because... because...

Next week will be a GREAT milestone for me! I will hit my 20 pound mark.

We'll see how the before's and after *but still befores* look. I'm anxious to see myself. ;)

Remember to check back in and let me know what you think.

Love Nikki

Sneaky Evil Calories

On Monday I weighed in... and KICKED butt! In five weeks I have lost 15 pounds. Lots of ZUMBA moves, calorie counting, and iron pumping got me there. But there is something that I have noticed that is starting to change the direction of the scale.

Sneaky EVIL calories!

Or restaraunts that pretend they have healthy options... but in turn end up KILLING you!

And guess what... I am SO going to call this place out!

Red Robbin sucks, y'all. I went out with a friend last night and ordered a wrap. I HATE wraps. I WANTED a nice, juicey and greasey avocado bacon burger. I almost wonder if that would have been better? Instead I ordered the whiskey bbq chicken wrap.

And to my amazement this morning when I logged my calories... it was over 1,000 calories ALONE!

Ew!!!!!!!!

I can just FEEL the grease dripping out of my poors. The fat attatching right back onto my sorry excuse of a stomach. And all the work I have done this week completely shot.

But I will NOT let this discourage me. It wasn't my free meal, for I already had my treat the night before... but I will learn from this moment. No one cares about MY health BUT me. No one is going to stop me from consuming large quantities of calories but myself. Only I have the power to control what goes into my own mouth.

Today I make a vow to myself.

I will take charge of myself, starting with what I consume now. I will no longer trust the food industry and I will teach my children to be weary of all the false health foods too.

This is no longer just a fight against me and the ever so yummy junk food.

Oh no.

THIS IS WAR!!!

Picture found here.

A Little... Naughty

Two weeks ago became the start of an addiction for me. A pretty CRAZY one that gets my heart racing and my cheeks flushed. It makes my mind race and my lungs weeze.

Sometimes I even cough and it makes me slow down a lot when I am whinding down off of it.

Oh dear friends. I HIGHLY recommend this addiction.

Can you SMELL the peer pressure?

It is the ever naughty dance workout ZUMBA.

The first time I did it I literally blushed the ENTIRE time. Not only did the instructor have a ROCKING body that would make a teenage girl envious, she was easily in her late 50's!

Granny got it going on!!! ;)

So there I was trying to keep up with someone who is about 30 years my senior, and I was panting and dying. There were arms flying to the left, and then arms flying right towards my face. When I would finally chance looking around again I would be completely caught off by all the booty shaking and hip thrusting.

Women REALLY like doing this in public??? HA!

Talk about a culture shock!

The part that made me giggle A LOT was that I went to this class with a large group of my mommy friends. Here we are, a group of five or six of us mommies getting our dirty dancing on!

WHAT WILL OUR CHILDREN THINK OF US?!!

I will never look at those innocent little mommies again. The way they got their grooves on, I now KNOW they all got some dirty secrets lying under those pure exteriors. No goody goody can move the way these ladies were moving. It just isn't natural.

I now go at least twice a week with my mommy friends. (haha!)

And during this time I have lost another 5 pounds on top of my 8 two weeks ago. This total's 13 pounds in 2.5 weeks.

And wait! There is more...

I can now shake my money-maker too!

And! *gasps in shock* I enjoy it!

What workouts do YOU enjoy doing?
ps. The instructor wasn't really that old ... I tend to be a tad bit dramatic. She really did look amazing though!
A note for postpartum mommies: This is a GREAT article to keep in mind.

Weigh-In

Yesterday my husband and I weighed in! It was a GREAT first week. I'm pretty proud of both of us. I haven't measured anything yet because, honestly? It becomes overwhelming. I'm okay with just the number on the scale and the percent sign it creates afterward. ;)

So.. my starting weight was...

WAIT FOR IT...

WAIT FOR IT...

279.

 GAG. COUGH. blush.

And yesterday I was 271. That's 8 pounds. 2.9% of my body weight GONE! :) My husband lost 5 pounds as well. Yay! Here's to another bomb-diggidy week y'all!

Love Nikki
ps. Some of the weight-loss may have been water weight. This next week will not be as amazing but I will work just as hard and have added carbs back in last Friday. My diet has been healthy and filling. :) And so far so good on nursing.

Another One Bites the Dust... (week 29/30)

So if you're wondering where on Earth I've been, I don't really have a good excuse. I think I've been feeling a little discouraged because of different people in my life and how slow this has turned out to be for me. Never-the-less... another one bites the dust!

For the first time in three years I'm below 238. I lost another pound this week! :) Yes that means I'm only at 237- but who cares! A POUND IS A POUND PEOPLE... and I'm VERY pleased with this new number on the scale. It IS safe to say I danced a little and shimmied alot when I looked down at that dreaded scale. Victory is mine I yelled out loud with my arms raised to the ceiling!!! ...Um perhaps not quite like that, but you get the picture right?! :)

Anyway, as you might have gathered from my last post I've been having a hard time. Someone dear to my heart had a minor heart attack over a week ago. At the time we didn't know what was happening and this person was transported from one hospital to another. It took hours and another day later to learn that he would be okay and is actually now hippidy hopping his way through life again. This doesn't change the fact that I had a very life changing moment when I got that phone call.

Comfort food and lots of crafting and designing seem to be what helped me get over my slump this week. I've done minor little cardio exercises but nothing extensive- hence my surprise to learn that I lost another pound. I guess implementing portion control into my life has really impacted and changed my life... one pound at a time. This pleases me because now I know that I'm not just going to bounce back to being overweight, but maintain a healthy lifestyle once I achieve this goal of mine.

But this leads me to another issue I've been trying to accept. I have a friend (she may or may not read this blog but a lot of you know who she is) who has been losing A LOT of weight recently. When I say a lot- I mean like 50 pounds in 3 months. Heck! It's taken me 6 months to lose 32... talk about an emotional battle. Now I don't want to offend anyone here, so please know before hand that I respect this individual and am so excited for her accomplishments, but feel somewhat envious at the ease she seems to be shedding the pounds. Is life so unfair? ...

No. It doesn't work that way. I actually had to step back and analyze both of our situations and lifestyles. I am NOT trying to lose weight. I mean, I am...but it's so much more than that. I'm trying to change bad habits and make a healthy life change. Losing weight at such a rapid intensity would NOT benefit me. Sure, I could drink a vitamin drink every day for half a year, but how does that teach ME how to eat correctly on my own? Plus, I have two children and my own anatomy has physically changed. If I don't do resistance training and work out harder then I have ever in my life I will look like a nasty saggy bean bag. No thank you. Not what I, myself, am aiming for.

So kudo's to you dear friend for losing your weight, you deserve this. :) You are working hard and cutting the crud out to make yourself healthier and I am proud of you. For me... I am proud of the way I'm doing it as well. Instead of feeling envy, I've learned to feel happiness and still feel proud of my accomplishments too.

Because in the end... through every individual battle we are all going to make it. In the end... no matter how different we execute our goals we are all beautiful.

It's Party Time...

Guess what guys! .....

I know it's been awhile since I've posted. I've been busy and feeling somewhat boring. How can you write anything sassy and fun when you feel BORRRRING? Well... tis the end of that! I'm proud to announce: I MADE MY THIRD WEIGHT GOAL!!!! :)

My first was to lose 20 pounds. Something I have never done in my entire life.

My second goal weight was to lose 27 pounds- 10% of my body weight.

My third goal (NOW ACHIEVED!!!) was 238- my prepregnancy weight with my first, Aiden.

And as of this morning I'm 238.

The prize? NEED I REMIND YOU???? I've been pining away for this for MONTHS now... I get to have my hair "did!" :) Oh yes... goodbye dirty honey blonde, hello platinum! I will be a force to be reconded with! I mean, isn't that what having little prizes is all about? Making you feel better? THIS will make me feel WAY better!

I mean... can't you see it? A mom of two- hitting the mall like this? No?....

Well... what about this? Well I guess she isn't really blonde so there goes that idea!

Honestly though... I really like the color combination here below:

When I found out I was pregnant with my son my hair was actually done similar to this:

Perhaps I'll combine the photo above with this one below ... Me?

What do you think???

Totally Worth it!

Dear Friends and family!!! Technically today is supposed to be my "Friday Loves" post, but I wasn't feeling it. Why? Well... let me tell you!

After weeks and weeks, months and even worse- months I have FINALLY broken through and got UNDER 240 pounds!!! This morning I weighed 239. This is my official 30 pounds lost mark. Phew! Talk about a struggle! I have never felt such an inner battle before. I mean sure we all have our own personal, even daily struggles. Losing weight the healthy way has definitly been the wierdest, however most rewarding experience I have EVER had. Although I have only concerqued 1/3rd of the way- I know I will come out on top. How long it'll take is a different story all together! ;)

Sweat'n' to Week 26

Sadly no weigh-in for me to divulge this week. I'm starting to feel annoyed that I don't have any new figures to put up, but how can you have a "weigh-in" when the numbers don't change. I still need to be measured though because Iknow my inches have changed. That I can see and feel. The scale may not be changing much but my lean muscle mass has definitly improved for the better.

Last week I bought new jeans and I love them! They're super cute and I don't have elephant butt anymore. Let me explain to you what "elephant butt" is! It's when your pants are so baggy the actually butt of the jeans hangs between you legs while your rear is still located where it's supposed to be. My new jeans make my derrier much cuter now! :)

I also bought a new complete set of underwear. This was not the cheapest venture, however they're soooo compfortable! Now I get to throw out all the old and just bask and enjoy in the new!

Taking this posting in a completely new direction, I have been asked by several different friends what do I do when I work out. When do I do it, and where do I do it. Every week is different, infact almost every season I change it up and do something differently. To answer those questions for right now here's my "week in review!"

*********************************

Sunday: (Normally I take Sunday's off, however I was feeling really uncomfortable and antsy so I decided to do something about it.) Jogged 1 mile around my neighborhood. (Under 10 minutes) I would have gone longer but my ankles were really hurting. I'm only learning now that I need to warm up and stretch before I jog. When I got home I stretched.

Monday: Went to an ABS circuit training group class at Experience Momentum (EM gym). Josh watches Rachels kids and Rachel pays for my class fees. I think each class is $10.

Tuesday: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! My stomach and sides felt as if I had been ran over by a freight-train. It was a good pain, just not something I wanted to work through. Plus I needed to let my body heal and repair itself.

Wednesday: We recieved INSANITY in the mail so Josh and I did the fit test. This is about a 30-40 minute cardio workout that tests your endurance.

Thursday: INSANITY fit test with Rachel. Then volleyball clinic for an hour and games for another hour.

Friday: INSANITY cardio core workout. PURE HELL. I actually yelled during some of the work outs to help keep going. It seems a favorite position is either plank or push-up position and doing stuff from there. NOT my favorite position to say the least.

Saturday (today): I will probably go on a 2.6 mile walk with the kids later to help warm-up and loosen my VERY sore muscles.

Here are some pictures to help convey what I look like after a 45-minute suicide work-out:

NASTY & SWEATY!

I was so sweaty- it litterally dripped off of my face.

Showing off the goods...

The smile is totally forced. I was exhausted!

I hope you all have a great weekend!