LPD POLICE REPORT
VICTIM: Nichole Gaertner ALLEGED SUSPECT(S):
Dave and Petra- MY PARENTS!!!
TIME OF CRIME: Memorial Day Weekend
PLACE OF CRIME: My parents home
Please describe in full detail the incident in question:
I went home to visit my parents this weekend and low and behold there was a bag sitting there for me. It sat there taunting me, it's brown crinkly self lurring me to it. As if a spell was cast upon me I slowly- ever so slowly walked towards it. I pulled back the top and was struck with such power of wanting I lost all self-control. German chocolate. So much German chocolate. All my brain could register is the aroma of hazelnut and cocoa. Immediately my salivary glands kicked into high gear and I proceeded to drool. Like a bee drawn to pollen or a wasp drawn to an innocents hand- I was drawn to this ungodly aspiration that lay before me. I threw back my head and howled like a starving hyena and then threw myself into a chocolate eating frenzy. My sister tried holding me back, and my husband yelled for it to stop- to please just stop! My children cried and wailed as they watched the desctruction of their beloved mother, and sitting in the corner with their hands pulled together in glea sat my parents. My kind and generous parents. My conniving and ever tricky parents! When the entire bag of chocolate was demolished in under 10 minutes my mother let out a high crackling laugh, and my father began to rumble from the pit of his stomach. To my astonishment my amazing parents whom I've cherished my entire life turned into......................................... My fat german relatives! You know- the ancestors that have been haunting me with their chocolate ridden pasts.
Please catch them. How can I ever sleep again knowing chocolate awaits me in the future? I have faith in you LPD! Restore my healthy eating habits.
TIME OF CRIME: Memorial Day Weekend
PLACE OF CRIME: My parents home
Please describe in full detail the incident in question:
I went home to visit my parents this weekend and low and behold there was a bag sitting there for me. It sat there taunting me, it's brown crinkly self lurring me to it. As if a spell was cast upon me I slowly- ever so slowly walked towards it. I pulled back the top and was struck with such power of wanting I lost all self-control. German chocolate. So much German chocolate. All my brain could register is the aroma of hazelnut and cocoa. Immediately my salivary glands kicked into high gear and I proceeded to drool. Like a bee drawn to pollen or a wasp drawn to an innocents hand- I was drawn to this ungodly aspiration that lay before me. I threw back my head and howled like a starving hyena and then threw myself into a chocolate eating frenzy. My sister tried holding me back, and my husband yelled for it to stop- to please just stop! My children cried and wailed as they watched the desctruction of their beloved mother, and sitting in the corner with their hands pulled together in glea sat my parents. My kind and generous parents. My conniving and ever tricky parents! When the entire bag of chocolate was demolished in under 10 minutes my mother let out a high crackling laugh, and my father began to rumble from the pit of his stomach. To my astonishment my amazing parents whom I've cherished my entire life turned into......................................... My fat german relatives! You know- the ancestors that have been haunting me with their chocolate ridden pasts.
Please catch them. How can I ever sleep again knowing chocolate awaits me in the future? I have faith in you LPD! Restore my healthy eating habits.
SIGNATURE:
Nichole Gaertner
*Lets keep my bottom half from doing this when I sit down!
Nichole Gaertner
*Lets keep my bottom half from doing this when I sit down!
(Once again this is not a picture of me... those are to come in the near future!)
7 comments:
Howdy Gagga!
We loved having you home,and you look wonderful.Sorry about the
chokolates, next time I eat them
my self, har, har,hardy,har,har.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
All kidding aside, you are an
inspiration to me and lot's of
other people. Keep up the good work.
No more chokolate until next trip.
I love you, immer Deine Mutti.
lol! Mom you crack me up. You German growling pirate you! :) I love you too!!!!
That picture is out of control! Sometimes you just gotta let go, I'm glad that you pleasured yourself in your chocolate eating frenzy! Sometimes you just gotta forget about responsibility and enjoy yourself. But then it's back to reality on Monday, right. :) Love you so much!
Good thing we don't ALL live in Germany, only to fight for our very LIVES every time the German Chocolate tries to outwit us and force itself down our throats! And that poor, poor folding chair...I think I can hear a faint cry for help...I am avoiding my chairs for a few days in case there's a revolt...
BAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That just may have been the funniest post I have EVER read!! That's great. I feel ya sister, I feel ya!! We need to fight this thing together!! LOVE the pic. LOL!! And I loved mom's comment. That was really funny. Har Har Hardy Har har! GRRRRR....what the heck was that all about?? LOL!!! MOM!! I LOVE YOU!!! :) :)
HAHAHAHA- or should I say- Har Har Hardy Har Har! LOL!
hahhahahah gurly I love it! What an inspiration u are!
Post a Comment