NON Scale Victories... (Not SMALL scale)

This is the second week I have found myself dragging my feet when it comes to being thankful for all of the little victories I have had. Why is that?

I don't know if I am just in a stink of a mood or if I really don't see any victories... so I am going to MAKE myself type them out.

Here it goes!

1. I bought HALF of a panini... therefore only ate HALF.  (Like a boss.)

2. I bent over and gave an older man a nice view of my bottom smile. (Niiice- every old man likes a good dose of butt crack in the morning, right? haha!)- the victory in this? MY PANTS ARE LOOSE!

3. My knee has been hurting so I gave myself yesterday off... and now I feel good as new. Tonight is interval training... in the rain. (Rock it.)

4. I did abs Tuesday and thought I was in labor yesterday from how sore I was. (I guess I forgot what a menstral cramp felt like because this morning I had a surprise. Yay me. I know, I know... TMI.)

5. I WEENED LYNDI!!!! Yay!!!! My BOOBS are MINE again! Woooot!!!!!

6. We got our TAX RETURN BAY-BE!!!!! Most of it will be put away for a rainy day but we were able to get some fun stuff- for example... I ordered my first studio lighting kit for my photography! YAY!

And 7. My arms are solid. I have guns. (It's hott.)

How was your week???

Reality...

I just got done reading an amazing blog post done by Skinny Meg. When I say amazing- I really mean it. It was so raw and truthful as to how our bodies change during our struggle to lose weight. I have always KNOWN my body won't look the same as it did before I gained the weight, but I never really thought further beyond that point.

"Meg" showed pictures that were encouraging, but also made me sad. I am working so hard to become healthier, but I also want to be proud of how I look. I want to be able to hold my head high and not be embarrassed about my body. I guess the biggest part of my quest is trying to find a way to love myself, no matter my appearance or size. Just getting smaller and skinnier isn't going to be a magic cure-all for the way I see myself. Especially if my body isn't the way I expect it to be after I lose the weight. The change has to happen within my own mind.

I know I have mentioned this time and time again, usually in a funnier light, but I have noticed my tummy starting to droop more. My sad "purse" or "apron" is getting smaller, but it is sagging. I have caught myself staring in the mirror with my shirt lifted just looking at my stomach. I will turn to the side and look at my profile and frown. Although I am significantly shrinking, I have a battle of the bulge going on below the belly button. And no, I am NOT referring to male anatomy. (Get your mind out of the gutter! *wink wink!)

Last night I worked HARD. I went out with my friend Cassie like I do 4 nights a week, and walked the perimeter of our town. Midway through our walk we stopped at the highschool and ran bleachers. We also did tricept dips, burpees, and planks. When we were done with the bleachers we walked onto the football field and ran lines across the entire length of the football field.

I was nauseous. Sick.

My calves were cramping.

My knees throbbed.

I wanted to stop.

Cassie then cracked some joke about how she's getting old. I argued that being fat is MUCH much worse.

We chuckled a little.

But then we got up, stretched, and continued on our walk through the second half of town.

When I got home last night, limping and sore, I had my husband help roll out my shins with a rolling pin. I yelled... a lot. He also massaged out my lower back and... bottom. It was painful.

But after I was done stretching out my cramping and stiff muscles I busted out my free weights and worked on my arms while we watched our evening shows together.

So although my body may be starting to droop and sag in the most unpleasant of ways, I am working hard to find pride in my body. I am working hard to be an example to my children. I am working hard to be the best me I can be. And love myself as I do it.

Next time I catch myself staring at my not so lovely figure that weight gain and pregnancy have helped create and destroy, I will make it a point to say something positive and uplifting to myself. I will make it a point to encourage myself to keep going... and notice the beautiful ways my body is changing.

Not the ugly ways.

Because although it makes me want to cry and give up... I know I am worth it. And I know that you are all worth it too.

We can do this.

And we can do it with our heads held high- knowing we aren't alone.

We {YOU} AREN'T ALONE.

Love Nikki

Gonna Pop Some Tags...

Whoa. I need to go clothes shopping. My pants aren't fitting very well anymore. I wish it was because I am losing weight, but honestly I think it's because of my sexy apron.

You know...

That AMAZING belly sag you get after you lose weight or have children? Well... I have had THREE children and have lost some more weight/ inches.

That is just a recipe for a not so SEX-AY stomach.

I'm thinking it's time to hit up a thrift store! ;)

Cause we all know the 80's are SO in again!

 

                                                 v and yes, that's me... in 80's clothes. haha!

Who? Me?!

So I'm pretty EXCITED to say I got asked to write a piece for a parenting online magazine. YAY! I turned it in yesterday and am waiting to see what edits have been made to it, or if there is anything I need to do to it before it goes LIVE. ;)

That said... I REALLY wanna post it on here but don't know what to do.

What do you think?

ps. It's about my entire struggle with eating disorders. It's personal, but not TOO deep. I didn't wanna scar some poor unsuspecting soul out there. haha!

ALSO-

My nightly work out buddy is KILLING ME. A slow and horrible death. She makes me RUN with her. No more of that wogging crap my friends. Sprints. And lunges while walking. And the best part?

When a BIG SCARY dog came CHARGING towards me, growl in throat... she yells, "WATCH OUT!"

What do you think I did?

I GRABBED her... and THREW her towards the image I had of a serial killer coming after me with a chainsaw.

I also may have dropped the "f" bomb. I, however, will not admit to such an unlady like word.

So.... short story LONGER... I would have thrown her to her death and ran my big 'ol booty the hell out of there.

I got FLIGHT on the brain!

~Nikki

update 2/19/2013- Silly me... I misunderstood who will be featuring my "story." It won't be an online magazine, but a blog about parenting. :) Woops! haha!

The Good and the Bad...

The good news?

 

My sister and her family came up for my baby's first birthday.

AND. She made the cupcakes.

 

HOLY YUM!

 

 

 

The bad news?

 

 

She left all of the left over cupcakes at my house!!!!

 

Not good friends. Not good at all.

 

TOMORROW IS GONNA BE ROUGH!



My NSV's! Can You Dig It?

Hello readers.

 

It has been a crazy week so far- I've been seriously AWOL! lol!

 

But I HAVE to do this!

 

1. I didn't gain any weight while in Seattle with girlfriends for three days!

2. I did football and basketball drills on Tuesday night and WOGGED (fat lady jogging my friends)/ interval trained afterward. I  EVEN DRY HEAVED! lol! Yum.

3. I went to that HELLISH strength training class on Monday- but couldn't MOVE Wednesday so stayed home to recover. (listening to my body= Victory. DIG IT!)

4. I will do abs when I am done on here... and

5. I will go to my strength training class tomorrow.

 

That's it for this week! Next week will be more eventful in bloggy land! ;)

 

AND I have my baby's first birthday on Saturday. LE'SIGH. I'm feeling emotional.

 

Bring on the cake!

 

Err... I mean... the carrots??? ;)

Is 3 Times a Charm? Liebster Award Nomination

HEY-OHH! You know you have ALL missed me. :) It has been one heck of a crazy few days/ weekend. It has been amazing and very enlightening. Empowering and definitely much needed. I feel rejuvenated.

 

First off, Thursday night I started a walking regimine with a new friend. It was a lot of fun the three times we have done it since. That said- tonight was hell. In a... burns soo good sort of way. ;) We actually interval trained and some other things around the perimeter of my town. It was EPICLY painful. (I am currently sitting here with a heat patch on my lower back, and my hair is dripping dry from my HOT shower. "Aint nobody got time fo' dat!"

 

 Secondly, Friday night was the beginning of an AWESOMELY memorable girls weekend I had with about seven of my close girl friends. I miss my lady friends like mad sometimes- and this was a blast!

Don't look TOO closely to this picture v below!
I'm a photographer- but my friend Shelby actually took this shot. Sadly that means she wasn't acutally in the picture. So some of the other girls asked me if I could fix that.

I will let YOU play the WHERE'S SHELBY finding game. ;)

(And if you are looking for me, I'm the blonde amazon... haha!)

 

 

 

We did a lot of eating. A LOT. BUT I listened to my body and ate "okay." I didn't gain any weight- so I'll take that for my weigh-in. haha!

 

We also checked out the most amazing Chihuly Glass Museum. For a photographer- this was EPIC!

 

 

So. Enough about how AMAZING I was this week and how we rocked out with our *&^% out.

Like a boss.

 

I have some serious business I need to get down to.

I was nominated three different times for the liebster award.

 

The Liebster Award is for bloggers with fewer than 300 followers. A blogger nominates 11 fellow bloggers and asks them a set of 11 questions. The rules state that a nominee must link back to the blogger from whom they received a nomination. The nominee will write 11 random facts about themselves and then answer the 11 questions which have been set for them. They in turn will nominate another 11 bloggers (yeah I probably don't even KNOW that many bloggers... haha!) and pose 11 questions to them. This is a really fun way to discover and connect with new bloggers and help us all gain some new followers along the way.

A big thanks to: Life or Something Like It, A Year of Transformation, & KTJ Weighing In.

 

11 Random Facts about me:

 

1. I'm 6 feet.

 

2. My eyes change colors when I'm moody, sad, excited or with my clothes. It's pretty awesome!

 

3. I have three children and had them in 4 years. ACK!

 

4. I LOVE to read and I LOVE to write. (Go figure, eh?)

 

5. I'm a freak and love pink. And lime green. Oh and really into turquoise right now too... and... and... and...

 

6. I have a BA in media communications. Someday I'd like to use it and become a public speaker for eating disorders.

 

7. I am a photographer. I LOVE IT! It gives my heart joy and gives me a release.

 

8. I hate strength training.

 

9. I hate running.

 

10. I love my own personal space and FREAK OUT whenever people drop by unexpectantly.  It's almost as if I go into a full blown panic attack! haha- it's wierd. I have boundaries.

 

And 11. I'm on Prozac and feel it was the BEST thing I have EVER done for myself, and my family. If you have any questions about this or post-partum depression please feel free to ask away. I may have physical boundaries- but I sure can talk a ton! ;) And I'm horrible with secrets.

 

Now. This next part is tricky since three blogs nominated me. So I'm going to go with the first blog I was able to find it on! haha!

1. Favorite book? The Alliance by Gerald Lund

 

2. What made you start blogging? I started blogging five years ago when my husband and I graduated college. I found it to be a great release. I started blogging about my weightloss three years ago-ish. Having online support was almost as good as having someone there with me. I also am the BIGGEST CLUTZ EVA! I really needed to record the happenings for me and my children. I need to have a record of this HELL that I'm living, right?

3. Favorite exercise? UGH. I do NOT have a favorite. I used to be an avid mountain biker and roller blader. I have even mountain climbed a few times. I would say those and swimming are favs.

 

4. Favorite time of year? I love the fall. The color changes after the sweltering heat always makes my heart sing. PLUS- I'm a photographer! haha!

5. What is your goal for the year? 1 pound a week for the year. Yeah... I got some work to do... but I'm not worried. ;) And to learn to love myself no matter what!

6. Favorite holiday? Hmmm... It really isn't a holiday but I LOVE my birthday! hahaha! ;)

7. Best vacation? By far- this weekend in Sea-Town with my girls!

8. Guilty pleasure? If you judge me I will block your crazy arse from my blog. ;) Julie Garwood and Nora Roberts. I can't bring myself to say what kind of writers they are... google it. BAHAHA! (And maybe, JUST maybe... I might be addicted to Toddlers and Tiara's. Only just a little bit though. It's such a train wreck! haha!)

9. If you had a day all to yourself, what would you do? Eat chocolate, read, take pictures, and shave my legs. :P

10. Beauty tip you can't live without? Washing my face with hot water, and rinsing it with cold water. It feels A-MAZE-ING! And I have to rinse my hair with cold water in the shower. Gotta close those pores up!

11. Glass half full or half empty? Depends on the mood. I'm pretty pesimistic generally though. Sad, I know. Hence the prozac. WOOT WOOT! HAHA!

My 11 Questions for whomever cares honestly. I don't know who to nominate- so take it upon yourself to answer these and let me know you did it! ;) I'd love to read your answers!

 

1. What's your favorite memory?

2. What's your favorite name- boy or girl? (I know wierd, but I really love Noriko... but my husband doesn't. haha!)

3. Why do YOU blog?

4. Give us your best advice about anything.

5 & 6. What was your hardest struggle and how were you able to overcome it?

7. What is your favorite show?

8. What is one of your short term goals?

9. What do you want to be when you grow up? (hehe!)

10. What is YOUR guilty pleasure?

11. And how do you deal with your emotions? Do you find it to be healthy? Suggestions or advice about how to help others find healthier outlets? (I'm just curious.)

 

Now take THIS challenge upon yourself and DO IT! Don't forget to check back with me and let me know! (You can click on the Liebster photo and save it to your computer to put it onto your blog too!)

 

Love Nikki