Nowhere to Go.

I honestly have nowhere to put this. THIS being the emotions that are raging inside me. Being a mother is quite possibly the hardest thing I have ever done... but it IS most definitely the MOST important.

Tonight my family and I went out and had dinner as a family, and then went to a movie with another family close to us. Tonight we just wanted to spend time together and enjoy each other's company.

Tomorrow my 22 month old goes in for surgery on her finger.

Growth is on right pointer finger. 

The procedure isn't invasive in the least, the going under part is the most worrisome. The growth however is scary. The constant changing and massive size of it is nauseating.

My 22 month old has what the surgeon called an anomaly on Friday.

My 22 month old's mother (me) is scared to death and frantic.

Tonight as we sat in Denny's and got asked politely how we were doing and what we were doing out and about on such a cold night, the waitress gave us our children's meals on the house. Tonight wasn't the normal children eat free night; it brought tears to my eyes.

Going through the menu I was looking at the healthy options and all the caloric ratings of different meals and just felt exhausted. Will I have to do this for the rest of my life?

Yes. I probably will.

But not tonight.

Tonight I decided to just enjoy my evening with my babies and let the guilt go. And you know what- it was fun ... and it was totally fine.

Sometimes life isn't just about the diet, losing weight, or what you look like. Life is SO much more than that... and it's when we discover this tiny little detail that we have reached a certain healing spot in our hearts, at least according to the book of Nichole anyway. ;)

We have to prioritize our lives... and tonight just enjoying my children and picking off their plates and eating candy with them in the movie theater was a priority for me. I don't know what tomorrow holds. I know in the deepest parts of my heart that everything will be okay. Lyndi and I both had blessings, so it has to be. But I still don't know what to expect.

And with that I just ask that you keep me and my family in your prayers tomorrow (Wednesday) and remember to prioritize your own lives too.

Life isn't about your weight or looks.

Life is so much more than that and I pray for the day when we all realize this.

I pray for the day when women can embrace the bodies our Heavenly Father has given us, and hold our heads high and chests out with out worrying.

I pray for the day when the worry is gone.

I hope you all have a wonderful day/ night/ week ... and remember to find joy in all the little things.

Love Nichole