Goals and Prizes at Week 24

Okay- enough is enough I say! I'm tired of living in the fast lane. Acting as if I'm in my early 20's with out a care in the World. Going out with friends, hitting up fancy restaurants, watching crazy movies, and not watching myself. It's quite the addicting lifestyle, and man does it kill the pocket book. Not to mention the "caloric" intake!!!

Again I say: Enough is enough!

So I've come up with a solution. We'll see how well it'll work. I'm going to give myself a handful of small goals, and list the "prize" for attaining each goal right here. It's all about accountability, correct?!? And I have to admit not having anyone hold me accountable for the last two months has left me feeling somewhat- stranded.

I've learned the tools, now I need to just keep to it and remember this is all for me and my beautiful babies.

So here are my small goals for the next little while. I'm also going to include some larger goals but never fear- once I've achieved these I'll make some new ones with new little surprises!

I am currently (it's now week 24) still sitting at 240. I have been bouncing between 242 and 240 since the beginning of end of June.

238- (Milestone! I weighed this much when I got pregnant with my son!) Professional high-lights with some auburn low-lights put underneath. Yup! I'm super excited and need to lose those TWO pounds!

234- New jogging clothes and have girls night- anyone game?

229- 40 lbs lost! Massage and Pedicure

225-221- Run several triathlons! (Hopefully this can carry me to the rest of my weight-loss. )

Josh's 10 year class reunion will probably be in June next summer so I imagine I'll be around here with my weight-loss... I'll buy myself a pretty dress. :)

222- (Milestone- I weighed this much a year after we got married. Our first year of marriage was pretty typical therefore a lot of weight was gained.) New Clothes

219- 50 lbs lost! Donate my hair to locks of love and have an A-line style... I'm pretty nervous about this! Also- another girls night?

209- 60 lbs. lost (2/3rds done!) Something big... perhaps a concert or what ever Broadway musical is showing! I would also like to have family pictures taken.

199!!!- Under 200 pounds party!!! Totally throwing a party... even if it is lame! :)

189-180- COMPLETELY NEW WARDROBE! And of course- PICTURES!!

AND THEN... probably get pregnant! HAHA! Then start all over again, right?! Unfortunately this is going to be an on-going battle for me but I KNOW I can succeed. Once I lose all this weight I'm either going to go back to school and get my Master's in nutrition or perhaps find a different route to help implement some sort of program that can help women and girls with eating disorders- primarily over-eating.

Because believe it or not- that is a pretty big issue my friends. Lets nip it in the bud! :)

Lets see how long this takes us all guys because... I can't do this without you!

Ps. Sorry there aren't any pictures- my "simple" down loader is actually not being so simple at the moment. I'll come back and edit this posting a little later. Thanks for reading!

Put Your Hands In the Air... Run Like You Don't Care!

Lately I've felt like dancing. Spinning, jumping, and yes a little head banging type of dancing. Music has been feeding my soul lately and I will humble myself before you and admit I am a closet Rob Zombie/ Seether/ Britney Spears/ Lady Gaga/ and Kesha fan. Pretty random eh? But boy do I love it when a good beat gets my blood boiling.

So because of reason's unbeknownst to me I recieved a $50 gift card from my bank this week. (I promise these topics ARE related!) Woo hoo! I love it when we get free money! So my cute hubby of mine had some apologies he had been packing up against himself and decided to buy me the Kesha CD. He also then got me new headphones and an IPOD arm band. :) I accepted very gleefully and have been rocking out for two days straight!

I have to tell you ... I never understood how running could be affected by music. I think I actually went into an asthma attack yesterday when I tried to keep up with the beat. One of my favorite songs came on and I was no longer on a simple jog- oh no! I was sprinting, using my arms for momentum and forgot that my butt still jiggles. (Sad confession ... I allow my body flab to hold me back when jogging. Like shaking my hips, the idea of someone seeing me run makes me shiver for them. Not so pretty.) But the music took that all away!

I was invincible! And I felt on top of the World.

Until I couldn't breathe!

So I had to hide behind some tree and catch my breath and stretch a little while doing so. I struggled and panicked and it even burned... but then I felt great! To be honest, I was soo proud of myself that I didn't trip or pass out that I could have almost done a flip in the air. Almost. Can you believe I actually ran 2.3 miles in 25 minutes? This you have to realize is a big deal. In the middle of my 8th grade basketball season, the fittest I've ever been, I only ran a 14 minute mile. :) Yesterday was pretty intense!

When I got home I was pretty rubber legged and stretched my dead legs for a good 30 minutes and oohed and awhed the entire time.

Then I did it all over again today! The only difference is I had my limo style double stroller and my 100 pounds worth of kiddo's with me. I'm sure it was pretty dorky but rocking out to Justin Timerlakes "Bringing Sexy Back" took away all my insecurities. Hopefully Aiden and Shaylee didn't mind the bumpy ride! :)

So there it is my friends. A little blood pumping "boom-boom" music does a body good. My professional fat girl opinion is we could ALL use a little rythm to take us higher.

Good luck- and remember WE'RE ALL BEAUTIFUL!!!

ps. I went to the doctor about all my "problems" and found out my right arm will be very tender for around 6 more weeks, and that my hormones will start leveling out soon. Arm news- boo! Hormone news- WHEW! lol!

Pure Pain and Week 22 Weigh-in...

It has been one busy week in my home.

Sporting events, girls night, and an injury have made it difficult to work out.

I have gone on several walks with the kids,

and have tried to eat well but to no avail no weight was lost.

I'm okay with that though!

I was able to maintain and that's just as good!

Once I lose all of my weight, maintaining will be my next trial.

So a small glimpse into our week:

My husband hurt his knee in March of this year.

He had torn some cartlidge and pulled a tendon.

Pretty painful injury if you ask me!

On Wednesday his employer put on a kickball game ...

and Josh was chosen to be their "all time" pitcher.

I'm pretty happy to say he looks like he's having fun,

and not in pain!

I guess no more excuses for not going on walks with me anymore!

HAHA!

PICTURE COURTESY OF Bill and Brittney Doran

Last Sunday Josh and I went to a Mariners game- for free!

His friend and co-worker Ryan Fudacz gave Josh 4 tickets for family night.

Not only did the Mariners win against the Twins...

Aiden and Shaylee got to run the bases with Daddy!

(No judging- It was family night! OH... and free!)

So you notice those ugly army pants?

Yah- I'm proud to announce those are my pre-pregnancy pants!

I bought those two weeks before I found out I was pregnant with Aiden!!!

I was uber excited when I put them on ...

and they FIT!

It was a lot of fun...
and my kiddo's had a blast as well!

But guess what happened the day before...

This bruise extends around my arm.

Kind of like a creepy tattoo...

kind of.

I was sitting in one of our lounging lawn chairs reading a book.

I put my feet up to get more comfortable-

and the entire thing flipped over on our cement patio.

I hit my head,

and used my arms to brace the fall.

Unfortunately I think my right arm got caught up on the screen door track.

Does this chair look dangerous to you?

How about with Aiden standing right there?

How about here at this angle?

It looks kind of comfortable, doesn't it?

Well let me assure you there is danger lurking in every corner!

Not only is my arm all bruised up-

My bottom and lower back are as well!

It was pure pain...

having a bruise on your funny bone never is not an easy injury!

Have I ever mentioned I'm kind of a drama queen?

I probably played this bruise up a little longer then my husband would appreciate.

SHHH!!! ;)

Week 22 Weigh-in: MAINTAINED!

The Chocolate Psalm

The Chocolate Psalm

From the Book of Nichole,

I do so proclaim!

Everyone eat some chocolate,

Or you will be deemed insane!

Its chocolatey creamy goodness ...

while being oh-so-desired

fullfills one of those fantasies

that has all women hardwired!

Brown, black, and vanilla too-

sugar, milk, silky gooh-

makes my tongue slick with spit

and my heart no longer blue!

So forget all the sinful thinking

when yearning for your treasure,

because chocolate is so yummy,

and healthy beyond measure!

I demand you close your eyes,

and we'll turn away...

so you can eat your treat

and nothing we can say!

Because ... From the Book of Nichole,

I do so proclaim!

Everyone eat some chocolate-

or you will be deemed insane!

By: Nichole Gaertner

SOO... Josh just asked me why I'm talking about chocolate in my weight-loss blog.

Let me tell you... I have been CRAVING this stuff ALL FREAKING DAY LONG!

So why not write about it?

Better than eating it, right?!

....He will never understand.

The Raw Truth

This my friends I have to tell you is going to be the RAW TRUTH. I will forewarn you what I will be talking about today could make some of you uncomfortable (ie. men). So if you aren't in the mood to hear someones raw emotion on the frustrations that come with being a woman and losing weight, I won't be offended if you choose to stop reading here.

Okay- you can't say I didn't warn you! ;)

Hormones are horrible! Why is it so hard to enjoy the hormones that come with being a female. A female MOTHER on top of that... pshh. It's amazing what we women do to become mothers. I never realized the actual emotional roller coaster that comes with trying to get pregnant, being pregnant, labor... and then the entire year afterward. Kudo's to all the women who are reading this. Every one of us are in different stages of life and we all feel the burden of motherhood in one way or the other.

Now don't get me wrong. I LOVE BEING A MOM. I wouldn't ever give up this life for one of less responsibility. But that's the burden of the beast isn't it? We try sooo hard to be a mom, and then to be the best mom. For some that includes among many other things- breast feeding.

Who in their right mind enjoys breastfeeding I always wondered? Even after Shaylee weaned herself (I know... what baby actually weans herself and WHY am I complaining???) I wondered what the big deal was. Well. Now I think I know.

How I miss her. How I miss our bonding time together. Her sweet cherub cheeks. Her round eyes looking up at me. How soft her hair was as I would run my fingers through it to hear her coo. The muffled laughs when I would tickle her toes while she was trying to eat. I just miss the nearness.

I know, I know. Be thankful I have my beautiful baby girl... and please understand that I am. I just am having a rough go of it... and here's why. (And on to how this is related to this particular blog.)

For a year my body has been robbed of estrogen. Nursing was an easy 500 calorie a day loss. It also makes your body stop producing estrogen for the most part. Our sweet little ones don't need that hormone quite yet. Well now that that particular gift is over my body is going a little CRAZY!

Did you know your body stores hormones- estrogen- in your fat? If I've heard it before I apparently never stored it in my mind for later. So here's my dilemma ...

My body is getting swamped. My body has began to produce estrogen now that I've stopped nursing. I've also lost practically 30 pounds... so guess what else is happening? My body has been releasing MORE hormones into my system due to the fat loss. Oh and to top THAT off, I have the IUD which has been causing problems now for 7 months. Although the type I have is a low dose progesterone emitting birth control, I appear to be sensitive to it.

So let me tell you about me in the raw as of right now!.... I am chalked up on women hormones and feel as if I'm on steroids!!!!!! Talk about roid rage. I was NOT prepared for this in my quest for healthy living. It definitely is going to be a huge bump in the road, or a challenge rather. I am constantly PMS'ing ( I warned you!) and craving chocolate. I'm mean and feel confused a lot. I'm also very sensitive. It's going to be a rough ride for awhile.

I talked to my nurse about all of this and she suggests having the IUD removed. *sigh* What to do... what to do. She also says that because I'm still losing weight and HAVE another 60 pounds to go it probably won't just level out for a long while yet. At least I can be prepared for that now, right?!

I guess it's safe to say it's about time for me to go into the doctor's office and figure myself out. I WILL do several triathlons next summer and I WILL lose my weight. If this is going to hold me back and make it take longer... I WILL be stronger for it in the end BECAUSE I am worth it... and so are you!

But alas, I'm not done yet. During this hormonal roller coaster something else has come to a head. And remember- I'm hormonal right now! ;)

I'm two pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight. Why don't I see how much I've lost? Why do I still think of myself as HUGE? I promised myself- literally I sat down and wrote a promise to myself- that I would be HAPPY no matter what my weight was because it would be SMALLER than I was at that point. Every time I gained 20 pounds I would look back at old photo's and sigh about how skinny I used to be. I was sad that I never saw it. How did I not know how pretty I was? Why did I feel so fat even then? Now that I've lost so much of that... why do I still feel so big? I look better according to family then I did last time I weighed this, how am I not understanding that for myself?

I want to believe that I could be pretty. I really do. I know that the Lord thinks so, as do my children and my husband. If this sounds like a vanity quest then you don't know me and don't understand this struggle I've had my ENTIRE life. Be happy that you don't understand ... and instead of judging perhaps try to help others around you recognize their significance and beauty.

Because in the larger scheme of things, the big picture, if we can make someone feel good about who they are then we've made ourselves that much better.

And if we can make ourselves see our own outer AND INNER beauty we can conquer all.

So next time you see someone whom you would turn away from, or perhaps even sneer- look at her (or him?) and think to yourself ...

ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL?

Week 21 Weigh-In

You know it's sad when you start losing track of what week you are in for your weigh-in. I think it's week 21 but it might already be week 22. Oh well, in the large scheme of things one week really isn't going to make that big a difference. I mean I'm nearing my 6 month mark. Hopefully I hit my newest goal by then... 238. That number is what I weighed when I got pregnant with my son, Aiden. That is my pre-pregnancy weight. That would be a huge accomplishment for me and I'm only two pounds away. :)

So finally I burst through my plateau. I've been bouncing around 242 for the last month. I've gained a couple of pounds, lost a couple of pounds and am now I'm sitting at 240! Woo-hoo!

Hopefully it'll last because I've started hitting some womenly chocolate cravings for reasons a lady would only understand. During this time a woman's weight can fluctuate in horrible ways. So I will just ride this out and hopefully not fall into the cookie temptation.

It's been awhile since I've had an "official" weigh-in with Dan. He's been really busy with clients, which is really good ... so I had Josh do my measurements yesterday. Because Josh is a different person and doesn't really know how; my numbers will probably be a little off from what Dan would measure. If Josh continues to help me out then my numbers will be more accurate.

It's a starting point at least, right?!:
Neck: According to Josh I gained .25 in. and am now at 14.5 in.
Chest: Josh's: gained .75 in. and am now at 44.75 in.
Upper Arm................

Okay you know what? I think I'll just wait until next week to see if his next set of measurements stay consistent with this set. I'm just getting depressed... mostly because I've lost 3 pounds since Dan's last weigh-in and know my numbers are be better. I mean... I AM swimming, riding my bike, AND running more than I have in a LONG time. We shall see...

We shall wait and see!

**Friday Loves and Not So Lovelies**

I love how small my waist is getting.

I hate how big it's making my arms look!

I also hate how my big arms are making my head look too small.

I love that I finally got to buy a new bathing suit.

I hate that it took 3 hours and 6 different stores.

I also hate that I (hopefully) won't fit in it next summer...

I love that I'm done nursing my daughter!

I hate that I have to work that much harder to lose the same amount of calories.


I love riding my bike.

I hate it's STUPID chain!- and it's stupid adjustable shock in the center of the frame. GRRR.

I love swimming! JUST LOVE IT TO PIECES!

I hate how bouyant certain area's of my body are.

It's bad when your entire group laughs at your malfunction! (This is how I looked to make them stop laughing. I didn't realize it would make them turn and scream. Hmm... maybe I should work on my horrified face?!)

I love that my love for swimming is spreading like wildfire with in my own little family!
It's kind of nice- and scary at the same time that both of my kids now know how to swim .
Have I mentioned my son is 2.5 and my daughter JUST turned 1? Time for real swimming lessons!

I LOVE that I walked for 5 hours yesterday to get a donut at a specialty donut shop.

I HATE that I ended up giving most of it to my kids and Josh. (Stupid conscience.)

I love that I lost all three pounds this week that I had gained back at my family reunion! YAY!

I hate that 1/4 of the donut made me gain back one! WHAT?! (Stupid deep-fried goodies!!!)

I sometimes love- but mostly enjoy fat jokes.
I HATE HATE HATE when people are rude and unsensitive to complete strangers. (This is for you Stacey!!!!)

And in closing!....

I love that you can see my how toned my entire core is becoming and that my obliques are starting to show through.

I HATE that I have to lift different parts of my anatomy to see it!!! SOOO DISTURBING!!!

This is not MY stomach- however is a truer dipction of what my stomach is starting to look like than those ripped out muscle women! lol!